Why men struggle to seek help and embrace change

In today's society, where support and resources are abundant, it's perplexing to see men often struggling to seek help and embrace change. This issue is close to my heart, and through my own experiences, I feel compelled to explore and address it.

The conversation around men seeking help and embracing vulnerability is challenging. Many men, myself included, find the concept of reaching out for support intimidating. This intimidation stems from a lifetime of societal conditioning that dictates how men should behave – keep calm, carry on, and never show vulnerability. Phrases like "Be a man" and "Men don't cry" are embedded in our subconscious, creating barriers that prevent many from seeking the help they need.

However, the realisation that this "playbook" no longer serves us is common. In my journey, I have encountered countless men who acknowledge the benefits of expressing emotions and seeking help, yet the fear of judgment and ridicule often keeps them silent. This fear is heightened in today's world, where every action is scrutinized, making the leap towards change feel more daunting.

The mission is to bridge the gap between the traditional expectations imposed on men and the individuals they aspire to become. There needs to be a step between where men currently feel stuck and the places where they can seek help, like therapy, coaching, and counselling. We need to create spaces where men can dip their toes into vulnerability without the fear of judgment and without significant financial or time commitments. To make self-help more inviting for men, a good start would be to rebrand it as "Personal Development," a term that feels more exciting and marketable.

Men's Day, an event I created, embodies this concept – a platform where men can gather, learn, and grow in a supportive environment. They can leave unattached or, through the healthy male relationships they create, they can immerse themselves in the world of personal development. Doing "the work," as it's referred to, is more likely to stick if you feel in the company of others doing it with you. Men's Day provides a safe space where men can experiment with new approaches to life, make mistakes, and have fun in the process. It serves as a bridge between feeling trapped by societal expectations and achieving personal growth and fulfilment.

By providing this space, many men go on to seek professional support, whether through me, a men's group, a retreat, and so forth. Many had never considered seeking help before Men's Day, but the space was accessible and "cool" enough that they gained the confidence to take the next step in their healing journeys. This one-day event gave them a soft entry into personal development, making the idea of change less intimidating and more appealing as they were in the company of other men in the same boat.

If we aim to foster meaningful change, we must create accessible and safe spaces where men can practice vulnerability and accountability without fear. These environments must allow for mistakes and the opportunity to get it wrong first, as this is a crucial step towards getting it right. Spaces that don't feel like they are breaking the bank or require a huge commitment are a good start.

I encourage you to share your thoughts on this topic. Open communication is essential, and we are better off expressing our feelings and ideas rather than bottling them up. I would love to hear from you.