When does healthy ambition become too much?

This is a topic I feel really needs addressing. I want to talk about when we push ourselves to achieve something worthwhile versus when we push ourselves too far.

Something I’ve been noticing lately is how our culture of needing to achieve more and more is leaving some of us feeling that we are never quite enough. Whether it’s about looks, finances, social stature or work, as a society it seems we are more driven than ever before.

This, of course, has its merits. There is nothing wrong with wanting to better ourselves and finding the motivation to go out and pursue our goals. It’s commendable, in fact.

What I want to bring to your attention is how to know when you have crossed the line from pursuing a goal into an unhealthy place. If you fall down a rabbit hole of punishing yourself, there are ways to spot it.

When does a goal become unhealthy?

So, what might this look like?

This is when we are not just motivated but have become deeply emotionally invested in the outcome, so much so that our sense of worth hangs on the result. This is when you are starting to slip down that rabbit hole, as no achievement or outcome should affect a person’s sense of self in this way.

Part of working with a coach is helping you to find your balance; sometimes between work and leisure time and, at other times, it can be something less obvious.

The pursuit of a goal that goes to the extreme may be less obvious at first, since bettering ourselves is something commendable. Friends and family will likely support your goal, as you are pursuing something positive.

When support starts to feel like pressure

So, here is the first warning sign to look out for.

The support of your friends and family should feel good. But when their knowing about your goal feels more like added pressure, this is something to pay attention to.

The knot in the pit of your stomach when a friend asks you how things are going is a little red flag waving for your attention. At this point, I suggest checking in with yourself.

Where is this feeling of pressure coming from? Are you worried about how your friend sees you, or how success or failure will make you appear?

When you stop enjoying the process

The other big warning sign to look out for is when you stop having fun or feeling a sense of joy in the pursuit of your goal.

When the work to get you where you want to go feels less like self-improvement and more like punishment, it’s time to step back and take a good look at what is going on for you.

Have you taken on more than you can manage?

Is what you are feeling simply tiredness from the extra effort, or do you wish you hadn’t taken this path at all?

And finally, ask yourself whether not achieving this goal will affect your sense of self-worth.

It’s a hard question to ask, but a crucial one. I think we could all do with a reminder that we are worthy of joy and are enough just as we are.

Your goals should enhance your life

I think the bottom line is this: goals are wonderful, tangible ways of moving us forward in life. We can gain new skills, boost our career prospects or widen our horizons in an exhaustive number of ways.

But your goals should always be things that enhance your life, not things that make it unsustainably busy or rob you of joy.

Importantly, if you fall short of your goal, please don’t let this damage your sense of self-worth. Most things in life are outside our direct control. What matters most is that we do our best while looking after ourselves and each other.

If in doubt, take a step back and look at the long-term effects of your goal.

Remember that making yourself happy is more important than a trophy, certificate or another tick on the achievement list.