Questions that will lead you to success

It’s that time of year again when our minds turn to making plans for the year ahead. Research suggests that having something positive to look forward to can support positive emotions and well-being. Having optimism and an eye on the future can be a great way to keep yourself motivated, while achieving a goal can bring feelings of pleasure and pride.

I’m curious about how you go about deciding what you want to do. Maybe you already have a long list of things you want to achieve? Perhaps you’ve written your list of resolutions? How are they going? How did you plan to achieve them?

In thinking about what you’d like to achieve, I’m guessing that you dismissed some of your ideas straight away for any number of reasons: ‘I can’t afford it’, ‘I don’t have time’, ‘I can’t do that!’ or ‘That’ll never work’, and so on. While there might be some truth to any or all of those things, quite often I hear them from clients who actually just don’t really want to do the thing in question. Rather than acknowledging that we don’t want to do it, or feel that we can’t say no, we can come up with all of these reasons, or excuses, instead.

Reassessing your goals

The thing about goals or resolutions is that, if you don’t really want to do something or you’re not fully committed, the chances of you achieving it are reduced. You may already be searching for reasons why you don’t want to take action or dismissing the possibility of achieving your goal. Then, you could end up feeling disappointed that you’ve not achieved what you wanted, which may put you off taking control of your future.

If you hear yourself saying these things and you’re not quite sure whether it’s the real reason, are you short of money? Do you not have enough time? Do you really not have the skills to do that thing? Or is it just an excuse because you’d rather say no? Try substituting ‘can’t’ or ‘don’t’ with these words:

• Won’t.
• Don’t want to.
• Might.
• Want to.
• Should.
• Will.
• Don’t need to.
• Would like to.
• Need to.

Here’s an example. Instead of saying, “I can’t lose weight”, try, “I want to lose weight” or “I don’t need to lose weight”, and so on. Instead of saying, “I can’t do that qualification”, try, “I don’t want to do that qualification” or “I might do that qualification”. Do you see how it works?

It’s better to say the statements out loud rather than write them down. Try sharing them with a friend; they might be able to give you feedback about your body language as you say them too.

When you’ve done this for each of your goals, see which substitution feels most comfortable. This may give you a clearer picture of whether you’re making excuses or whether there’s something you need to tackle first. Notice your first reaction, but be honest with yourself. Do you really ‘want’ to do it, or is it a ‘should’? Then, make a note of the goals that you really want to progress and start action-planning.

As for the others, if you feel you really ‘have’ to do something with them, there are many ways you can approach them to help increase your chances of success.