Confidence vs self-esteem: What’s the difference?

As a confidence coach, I’m often asked what self-esteem is and how it is different from confidence.

Confidence is defined as a feeling of trust in your abilities, qualities and judgement.

Self-esteem relates to your self-worth and how you value yourself in the world.

Someone with low self-esteem may have an overall negative belief about themselves. They may tend to focus on their weaker points and blame themselves for difficulties or mistakes.

If your self-esteem is higher, you generally believe you’re OK and recognise your strengths. When there are tough times in your life, you can cope with them without feeling like a victim or taking all the responsibility.

If you’re not sure where you are on the self-esteem scale, then look at these types of behaviours and decide which describe you the most. Perhaps you demonstrate both types of behaviour at different times.

High self-esteem behaviours

• Having a balanced view of your positives and negatives.
• Taking care of yourself physically and emotionally.
• Being willing to trust others.
• Being independent.
• Feeling optimistic.
• Being willing to take risks.
• Being compassionate to yourself.
• Learning from your mistakes.
  Being open-minded to others.
• Trusting yourself and your intuition.
• Being collaborative.
• Taking responsibility for your actions and not always blaming others.

Low self-esteem behaviours

• Focusing on your perceived negatives.
• Self-blame and criticism.
• Feeling pessimistic.
• Fear of taking risks.
• A blaming attitude.
• Avoiding responsibility for actions.
• Fear of confrontation.
• Perfectionist behaviours.
• Being oversensitive to others’ comments.
• Comparing yourself to others.
• Needing to be right.
• Depending on others for decisions.

Your self-esteem can fluctuate with your current experiences in life, and most of us are somewhere around the middle of the scale. To work on building healthier self-esteem, I suggest starting by getting a clear picture of your positives and strengths, as well as your flaws.