The subject of love and relationships

The subject of love is a heady one. It leaves us all scratching our heads and flummoxed most of the time. But how do we navigate this journey? How do we know that what we have is healthy? Are we even forming healthy attachments? Or are we merely expecting our partners to heal our inner childhood wounds? If you find your relationships confusing, romantic, familial or simply with friends, coaching can help you navigate the intricacies.

Intimacy is never straightforward. It can bring out our insecurities and unhealed wounds, to the point we are not sure what’s our baggage and what's theirs. Healthy relationships are cohesive and peaceful. It involves delving deep within ourselves. There is no way around it. If the same pattern shows up time and time again, but with different people, the universe is showing you something you have to heal within yourself.

Once you learn, that pattern will no longer show up and you can move through it to a more peaceful life with more equilibrium. Patterns could be always feeling the need to rescue someone or attracting people with victim mentalities so you feel you have no choice but to play the rescuer role. This can lead to dissatisfaction and unhappiness for both parties. Coaching can help you learn bonding in a relationship where both keep their autonomy and are responsible for their individual happiness, rather than being stuck in trauma bonding. 

The only person we can control in life is ourselves. If we work on identifying and healing our unresolved psychological patterns, it would also help us attract people to our lives who can meet us in that healthier place. In saying that, if there is someone in our life who is self-destructive, we need to learn what is OK for us and what is not OK. How much support are we willing to give, if any? Do we provide support when this person feels ready to allow it in? The person may never feel ready or want help, so it’s up to us if we want to live within their darkness, or whether we want to live in the light. It’s not that simple is it though?

When we feel obligated to people, all sorts of guilt ensues. Coaching can help you navigate the guilt and shame that arises from putting your mental health first. Once you model that behaviour to the people around you, it’s up to them if they want to pivot into a healthier place.

If you feel bogged down with all the people you are obligated to, coaching can help you navigate how to pick all those patterns apart and figure out a way that you can not only live happily, but thrive. It could be that you need to work on setting boundaries. Sometimes people in our lives can feel like unnecessary chains. They may not even realise they are doing it. So, if you feel constricted and not able to live life authentically, coaching can help you work through the blocks that are not allowing you to live authentically. Blocks could be people-pleasing for example. Or if you grew up being the peacekeeper, it will have followed you into adulthood to the point you feel stuck playing that role.

Low self-esteem could play a part. If you aren’t being the peacekeeper, will people like me? Would they want me around? Will they love me? Sometimes we can get stuck in patterns that make us feel we have to ‘earn’ love. What if I said you don’t have to do anything to be loved? You can be loved just as you are. You can learn to love and accept yourself first. In doing so, you will also attract healthier relationships and friendships. 

Romantic love can be the most confusing of all. Have you met a soul mate? Or even a twin flame? Are you struggling with the immense and deep emotions that can come up? Are you struggling with the spiritual side of a twin flame journey? Do you even understand the journey of a divine feminine and divine masculine?

I know how hard it is to wrap your head around a spiritual journey. It can hit you like a brick when all your unhealed wounds come up at once. Unhealed childhood wounds lead us to develop unhealthy attachment styles. If you were always the people pleaser, it can lead to anxious attachment where you never feel quite safe in the relationship and always look to the ‘other’ to anchor you, when, really, it’s learning to develop the tools to anchor yourself.

Building your self-confidence and self-worth. So many of us get into relationships hoping for completion, when it's much healthier to work on feeling complete within yourself first. Then a relationship becomes a healthy addition and not an addiction. The icing on the cake, rather something to depend on for financial or emotional survival.

If you need help in navigating the blocks and barriers you are facing in any of your relationships, coaching could be the necessary step in making healthier choices and changes in your life.