How self-esteem and self-worth affect confidence

I believe there is a missing link required to guide and support you in your own personal development, growth, and route to expressing yourself confidently.  

Confidence isn't just about what we do or how we appear to others. It can also be influenced by how we see ourselves, how much we value ourselves and whether we trust our abilities. Understanding these foundations can help us recognise what might be holding us back and where we could begin making changes.

Understanding the foundations of confidence

Think of confidence like a tree. Just as a tree needs strong roots to support its growth, our confidence can be supported by foundations that aren't always visible to others.

These foundations include self-awareness, self-esteem, self-worth, trust in our abilities and courage. When we struggle with one or more of these, we may find it harder to express ourselves confidently, pursue opportunities or take steps towards our goals.

Accessing this missing link starts with having self-awareness of the situations in which you are struggling to express yourself confidently. Think about which of these foundations you feel comfortable with and which you might want to develop further.

I have learned that being aware of, and developing, these unseen elements can support us in moving forward and accessing the resources you need in order to step into a more confident version of ourselves. 

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is about how we evaluate ourselves, our qualities, and attributes to and how we feel about ourselves. This can influence different areas of life, including how capable you feel you are in your job or in your relationships. 

When we have healthy self-esteem, we value our abilities while being honest and realistic about these. We generally know what we’re good at and what we can improve on and we can recognise our strengths without expecting ourselves to be perfect.

Having a balanced view of ourselves may help us approach challenges, recognise achievements and respond more constructively when things don't go to plan.

When we struggle with low self-esteem, we may focus more heavily on our perceived weaknesses, underestimate our abilities or rely on reassurance from others to feel good about ourselves.

This is something I can relate to. I've experienced times when I underestimated my positive characteristics and viewed myself through a harsh, negative filter.

For example, maybe you tell yourself you’re not good enough in a variety of ways, you don’t know enough, you’re boring, lazy, and inconsiderate or that any compliment received isn’t true. 

These thoughts can feel convincing, but they don't necessarily reflect the full picture. Recognising them and questioning whether they're accurate can be a helpful starting point.

What is self-worth?

Another unseen foundation is self-worth. It means that you are loveable and valuable regardless of how you evaluate your abilities, an innate feeling that your value as a person doesn't depend entirely on what you achieve or how others see you.

For example, when you don’t feel good about yourself or don’t do something well, having a sense of self-worth means you still believe that you are valuable.

Developing self-worth can help us recognise that making mistakes, experiencing setbacks or having moments of self-doubt doesn't diminish our value as individuals.

Why self-trust and courage matter

Self-trust is another important foundation. It involves developing confidence in your ability to make decisions, recognise your needs and respond to challenges. This doesn't mean assuming that every thought or decision is correct, but learning to trust your judgement while remaining open to reflection and growth.

Mark Twain put it so well when he said, “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

Courage is another example of the unseen. Courage is the ability to act in the face of great fear or danger or when starting to do something new and uncomfortable. 

We don't always need to feel completely confident before taking action. Sometimes, trying something new despite feeling uncertain can help us gain experience and gradually build confidence.

All of these unseen elements can be perceived as muscles - the more you develop and use them, the stronger they grow.

What does self-confidence look like?

When we look at what self-confidence means, we find that it includes both feeling and doing.

Developing self-awareness, self-worth and trust in our abilities may help us feel more comfortable taking action, particularly when we're faced with something unfamiliar.

Confidence doesn't mean never experiencing fear or self-doubt. It can mean recognising what matters to you and feeling increasingly able to express yourself and make choices that reflect your values.

Can you remember a time when you felt totally confident doing something you enjoy? Time went by so quickly and what you did seemed effortless?

Perhaps it was an activity you had practised many times or something that allowed you to use your natural strengths.

Confidence can also involve being willing to try new things, learn from mistakes and take responsibility for our decisions. We may still feel nervous, but experience and preparation can help us approach challenges with greater self-belief.

For example, can you remember when you learned to ride a bike or drive a car? There were so many bits to grasp and learn, the clutch, the brakes, changing gear, awareness of other drivers, it is easy to be panicky!

But for me, driving a car now feels natural and I’m very confident doing so. because I've developed my skills through experience and practice. Many of the things I once found difficult now feel much more familiar.

 Ask yourself, are you the same driver you were when you first passed? I'm guessing not!

Strengthening these foundations

So, how can you begin strengthening these foundations? Start by reflecting on the situations where you feel less confident and what might be influencing those feelings.

Taking time to recognise your achievements, practise self-compassion and try manageable challenges may help you develop confidence over time.

As you take action and gain experience, you may begin to feel more comfortable trusting your abilities. Just like strengthening a muscle, developing confidence can take time, practice and patience.

You don't need to get everything right or feel confident all the time. What matters is recognising your progress and giving yourself opportunities to learn.

Think about it, if you had the confidence when you really needed it, just think what would be possible. Imagine standing up for yourself, seeing yourself going for and getting what you want. Talking in front of a room of people, and/or achieving success in a confident and energising way. 

Developing confidence begins with understanding yourself and recognising the foundations you already have. If you'd like support exploring your self-esteem, self-worth or confidence, a life coach may be able to help you identify your strengths and take meaningful steps towards your goals.