Why learning something new can feel hard

You might be looking to establish new habits, learn new ways of thinking, see the world differently or respond to situations in new ways.

You might be looking to practise strategic thinking, be more thoughtful before you respond to people, or seek better ways to give feedback, for example.

All of this involves learning, and I think many of us have forgotten how tough that can be.

I’m not talking about reading-a-book learning, where we store information in our brain but don’t take it out and give it a try. I’m talking about the learning we did as children, where we learned new things and got it right, got it wrong, got it partly right and got it partly wrong.

We’ve forgotten what it is like to really learn something new. We’ve forgotten that learning can feel like being lost or being on a rollercoaster. We forget that no one learned to ride a bike without grazing their knees a few times.

• Why do we expect trying a new behaviour or approach to be successful the first time?
• Why do we expect our lives to magically change from reading a book?
• Do we imagine that we can sit down in front of a piano and, after a day of learning, play Moonlight Sonata?

We so often expect instant results from ourselves and judge ourselves for not yet cracking a new habit. This downward spiral demoralises us, weakening our ability to make the changes we seek.

So, if you are building your self-awareness and trying out new habits or behaviours, you might notice a critical voice within saying, “I should have made it by now” or “I will never make it.”

If you can feel part of you criticising you, please stop and remember that change is completely possible.

• Be proud that you are trying something new. That takes courage.
• Smile as you notice that you are taking your first steps.
• Think back to what it takes to get really good at something. It takes time, practice and patience.
• Say to yourself, “I’m learning and trying, and I’m proud of it.”
• Notice that you haven’t lost your way. Instead, you are taking courageous first steps on a new path.

Trying new things is an important part of widening your horizons, and it’s great to get help on the journey.

Remembering that change is possible, but that it can be hard, what would you like to learn, and how will you help yourself succeed?

If you are working with a coach, ask them what they will do to help you really practise this new learning, build real skill and help make it stick for your long-term success.