Surviving Christmas with your ADHD family

Christmas for most of us is a time of excitement, there will be gifts, family get-togethers, shopping, eating, drinking, lights and decorations – in other words, a huge sensory overload waiting to happen, particularly if you or someone in your family has ADHD. How can you make sure this Christmas is meaningful and merry but manageable? 

Here are my top 5 tips for an ADHD-friendly Christmas.

1. Plan (but let’s keep it simple)

A plan helps everyone stay on track, but an overloaded schedule can quickly lead to overwhelm and frustration. Instead aim to set out a general timeline for the big events of the day, such as Christmas dinner, present opening and visiting family. Keep it simple and build in some flexibility. ADHD brains like flexible routines. Try to add  ‘calm-down-time’ in between the exciting stuff, even if it’s only 15-20 minutes, this can really help your ADHD loved ones to recharge and regulate. 

For younger children, a visual timetable of what’s happening next can really make a difference. Remember, transitioning from one activity to the next can be difficult for younger ADHD children, so give plenty of reminders of what’s happening next and when it’s happening to ease transitions, such as leaving their new toys to go and visit the family!

For teenagers and adults, some electronic reminders on phones or Alexa are the way to go. After all, most of us don’t really want to be pulled away from the new shiny thing we were just given (no matter what your age is!).

2. Have realistic expectations

We often imagine that everyone else is having the perfect Christmas, after all, social media platforms will be full of seasonal photos of perfectly decorated Christmas trees, hundreds of beautifully wrapped presents and adoring families posing in matching Christmas PJs. With ADHD in the mix, you might find that Christmas doesn’t always go as planned. For example, it can be unrealistic to expect your ADHD child to sit quietly at the table for ages during dinner, your little ones may need to stretch their legs between courses (who cares what Aunty Margaret has to say about it!) 

Try setting realistic expectations for everyone, including the adults too. ADHD adults can really struggle with their perfectionism at this time of year, the pressure to get Christmas right, can lead to so many of us feeling disappointed and frustrated that things didn’t go perfectly.

One way to manage this is to talk with your family before Christmas about what their expectations are. Discuss what are the most important things about Christmas for them. What are their favourite bits and what things do they find difficult? You can plan together on how to handle the ups and downs for both the kids and the adults. Remember for most of us the really important thing is to enjoy spending time together as a family.  

3. Simplify presents

For adults with ADHD, the sheer task of shopping for gifts can bring up all sorts of issues. Try to get yourself organised early. I know you think you have a lot of time but a desperate last-minute dash to the shops, will only stress and deregulate you! When heading out to do your Christmas shopping, make a list of gifts in advance, plan where you want to go and once you start feeling overwhelmed (with the music, lights and just people in general) it’s time to call it a day. Online shopping for presents is a great way to avoid the sensory overload of the actual shops. Also, consider booking a delivery slot for your Christmas food shop or take advantage of extended opening hours to visit the stores when they are quieter. 

When it comes to the big day, remember, it’s easy for ADHD kids to get overwhelmed with lots of new presents particularly if the expectation is they open them all in one go. One way to calm the atmosphere is to take your time opening your presents, by either taking turns and watching each other opening your presents or by spreading out your present opening throughout the day.

4. Create a safe space

Christmas can be chaotic and the sensory overload of it all can be very draining. In most houses, it will be noisy with music and chatter, flashing lights, new toys and lots of tempting food. Your ADHD loved one may well find it overwhelming. It can also be draining socially, small talk with Aunty Margaret, your disapproving In-laws and that cousin you only see once a year can mean that your ADHD-ers will be spending at least part of the time masking and trying to fit in socially, which is exhausting. 

Set up a safe, quiet area in your home somewhere. Ideally, a quiet room, without all the sensory décor that comes with Christmas. It could just be a quiet corner with some calming items, such as headphones, mindful colouring, books and a cosy blanket. Let everyone know that it’s okay to use the quiet space, no questions asked so younger children don’t feel embarrassed. Teenagers and adults may prefer to recharge by taking themselves off for a quick walk or retreating to their bedrooms for some breathing space.

5. Make time to move

The excitement of Christmas can have ADHD-ers finding it difficult to contain their extra energy, so try using movement to help manage that energy. Make sure there’s time in the day to get outside and release pent-up energy. A quick kick around with a football in the garden, a game of catch or a stroll in nature are all great ways to recharge, re-focus and burn off energy. For younger ADHD children make sure there are fidget toys or activities to engage in particularly if they will be sitting around for any amount of time, ADHD and boredom are never a good combination! 

Bonus tip...Prioritise self-care 

The holiday season can be overwhelming for everyone, grabbing a few minutes to unwind, means you will be better equipped to handle whatever Christmas throws at you.

Your ADHD family Christmas may look different from the Christmas movies you see, but that doesn’t mean that the memories you create will be any less magical. Focus on what works for your family, stay flexible, embrace the fun and have yourselves a merry little ADHD Christmas.