What story are you telling yourself?

Stories are just for children, aren’t they? For those of you who shouted "no!", I quite agree.

No one is quite sure who told the first stories, but there is no doubt they have been used to share information and shape our lives for millennia. Our mental image might be of people sitting around a campfire, children listening enraptured, or perhaps a favourite film or well-loved book. In all of these, the storytelling is deliberate. It could be said that stories are part of our psyche.

What about, however, the stories we tell as part of our everyday lives? The ones we’ve built throughout the years that become the background to who we are, our families, our relationships, our careers and even our businesses.

At a conference some time ago, I attended a seminar with Andy Green from Story Starts Here entitled What's Your Company's Story? I was fascinated, as storytelling can be a powerful coaching mechanism, so I wanted to explore the links between the two. There were many.

Andy talked about the seven story archetypes and, in my own reflections, I began relating each of them to coaching; how they can become catalysts for change, encourage more helpful ways of thinking and, ultimately, help us become the hero in our own story. One of the purposes of good coaching is to help you become the narrator of your own life story, giving you greater ownership, choice and direction.

See if any of these story archetypes resonate with you.

Rags to riches

Perhaps your story is one of not quite living your best life. Maybe you’re not using your talents as fully as you could in your career or business. Perhaps you dream of a different lifestyle but aren't quite sure how to make the change.

In this storyline, it can be tempting to see a coach as the fairy godmother who will transform your life. In reality, a good coach wouldn't claim to do that. Instead, they act as a guide, helping you recognise your own strengths, challenge your thinking and move towards the changes you want to make.

The quest

This is the story of someone searching for something.

In coaching, that "something" might be greater confidence, reduced anxiety, increased resilience or simply a clearer sense of direction. Like many quests, it isn't about someone else finding the answer for you, but having someone alongside you who can ask the right questions and provide the tools that help you reach your destination.

Overcoming the monster

This story does much of what it says on the tin.

You're worried about something. There is a hurdle standing between you and where you want to be. Sometimes the monster may be something tangible, such as an addiction, while other times it may be a fear of interviews, public speaking or failure.

Coaching allows you to imagine what life could look like without that monster dominating your story and to begin exploring practical ways of moving towards that future.

Journey and return

Sometimes life takes us somewhere we never expected to go.

A relationship ends. A career changes. Illness arrives. Plans don't work out as we'd hoped.

Whilst we rarely return to the same place we started, there is often a new path waiting to be discovered. Coaching can help you make sense of what has happened, integrate the experience into your own story and move forward with greater understanding.

Rebirth

This can be one of the most challenging storylines because, quite often, we're not even aware that something deeper needs to change.

You may begin coaching believing you're dealing with one issue, only to discover something much more fundamental beneath it. Whilst this can feel uncomfortable, it is often where the greatest learning takes place. Many people find that this becomes the beginning of profound and lasting change.

Comedy

Perhaps not as strange as it sounds, the comedy storyline is about confusion and misunderstanding.

Maybe you find yourself repeating the same situations over and over again. Perhaps relationships follow familiar patterns, or your career seems to keep leading you back to the same frustrations.

Whilst it's no laughing matter, standing back and recognising those repeating patterns often allows you to see them differently. Once you can see them clearly, you're in a much better position to choose a different path.

Tragedy

In storytelling, tragedy often ends with the main character being overcome by their flaws.

In life, however, the story doesn't have to end there.

You may feel that no matter how hard you try, nothing changes. It can seem as though every decision makes things worse, and you're no longer sure which direction to turn.

Fortunately, real life isn't bound by the rules of fiction.

Whilst there may not always be a quick solution, there are almost always options. With time, reflection and the support of a skilled coach, many people find themselves changing the direction of their story and creating a much happier ending than they once thought possible.

Becoming the narrator of your own story

Stories do much more than entertain us. They help us organise our experiences, understand ourselves and make sense of the world around us. Every story we carry influences how we think, feel and behave.

Coaching gives you the opportunity to explore those stories in a safe, non-judgemental environment. Often, you'll discover that the stories you've been living by are not fixed at all. They are simply the starting point for the next chapter.

And perhaps that's the most powerful thing about stories.

No matter where you find yourself today, there is always another chapter waiting to be written.