Navigating neurodiversity

Neurodiversity is not something you have - it is part of who you are. It is not an illness or a personality trait, but a natural form of difference that can be both cherished and empowering. However, our world is not really built for diversity, or for celebrating difference.

Neurodivergent young people and adults can often find it extremely challenging to engage in surroundings designed for conformity. So how do you navigate a world that doesn’t always feel like an easy fit?

Awareness of ADHD and autism has improved markedly over the past 20 years, mainly due to increased research and the proliferation of those seeking diagnoses – understanding neurodiversity, however, is still in its infancy.

Basic assumptions are used to describe a hugely varied community, and this leads to a shortfall in appreciating the complexities of the lives of neurodivergent people. Having worked with many neurodivergent young people and adults over the years, I have found that there is an acute feeling of being misunderstood, of striving to fit in, and of isolation.

Years of trying to conform and attempting to follow social norms can take a mental toll that leads to overwhelm, burnout and shutdowns. This starts at school and continues into adulthood – for example, being told that you’re disruptive, aloof, uncaring, inattentive or uninterested can be enormously debilitating and have lasting effects. Difference and diversity are not deficits – but assets to every individual, family, group, company and organisation.

In designing coaching sessions with neurodivergent clients and those around them, I have developed an approach which I have found to be effective – the four foundations of restore, renew, connect and create.

Restore perspective 

This starts with simplicity. A simple approach to our work, social interactions and more importantly, our thoughts, can create space to focus on what is truly important. If you are overwhelmed, flooded with competing thoughts, suffering from brain fog or burnt out, a great question to ask yourself is “How can I simplify this?”. This allows a more conscious approach to your thoughts and precipitates an engagement that isn’t loaded with negativity and fear.

Negotiating with your neurodivergent mind can only lead to tension, and so seek simplicity, “How can I simplify this?”. It will help restore your perspective and allow you to experience a sense of control and balance.

If you are a parent, colleague, friend or loved one of someone who is neurodivergent, perspective is valuable. Preconceptions are disabling, so take time to think about the simple questions you can ask to find out more about the experiences of that person. Realise that this will lead to a greater understanding and a reframing of your relationship – it is restoring your perspective through inquiry and knowledge and tapping into the experience of a neurodivergent person.

Start by asking yourself: “How are they experiencing the world – what are they seeing, hearing and feeling?”.

Restoring perspective opens up the possibility to…

Renew your belief system 

Neurodiversity is just another way of being human. Traits that you had previously thought had negative connotations, the things that you were told in school or in a workplace that were seen as detrimental and set you apart, negatively impacting your ability to succeed, can now be accepted and appreciated as part of who you are. And you are enough!

Without other people’s stories to guide us, we are free to rid ourselves of old, limiting beliefs, and renew our internal system to write our own narrative. So, you can ask yourself: “Is this real? What would I need to do to believe that I am worthy? What can I do to change that belief I have about myself?”.

I am not suggesting that you dismiss your struggles or painful thoughts, but rather notice the weight attached to your feelings of lack, fear or whatever else may come up. If we can accept who we are and how we are and see ourselves as full of endless possibilities, our attitudes can change. You do not have to be tied to old, worn-out stories, and your beliefs about yourself that have been accumulated over the years can be hindering your progress.

Once we revisit and renew our beliefs, we can…

Connect to confidence

To release our rich wealth of talent, we need to access our inner confidence. It may be buried deep, but it is there! See yourself not as the problem to be fixed but as the solution to be found. Diversity is an essential, joyous part of our world. Shine a light on your strengths – your creativity, drive, focus and imagination to name but a few.

Remember the times when you succeeded, when you were in flow, happy and free. That’s when you can connect to your confidence and tap into your power without the impulse to give it away. Know that you have all the tools within you to lead a fulfilling and complete life.

The diagnostic process is long and arduous and can bring grief, pain and confusion. The years of masking behaviours are exhausting, but give yourself permission to liberate your confidence, to thrive because of who you are, not despite it. Navigating new information can seem overwhelming, but allowing yourself time, and connecting to your inner confidence can ensure you become more resilient so you can release your wonderful attributes to the world.

This will enable you to…

Create space for the world around you

You may not be able to change the world (for now!), but you can certainly change the way in which you engage with it, and in turn, influence how it interacts with you. Being open to creating space will precipitate conversations that are positive and constructive. Your perspective has been restored, your beliefs renewed and your confidence reborn, so you can travel through life hopefully.

Sharing your diagnosis, if you choose to do so, can be one of the most daunting aspects of being neurodivergent. This is not to put an onus on neurodivergent people to initiate or act, but creating a space where conversations can happen can feel freeing, whether prompted by you or by someone else who is interested in knowing more. This can help with difficult interactions with a boss, a parent, or a partner, as it leads to a greater mutual understanding. Creating the space from within and saying yes to yourself is enlivening. We are all born creative, whether we are artists or accountants, so let’s create!  

For those living or working near neurodiversity creating space for dialogue is empowering for all parties as it allows the sharing of experiences, and therefore improved relationships. An empathetic attitude to the neurodiverse experience is achievable and transformational.  

These four foundations - restore, renew, connect and create - can empower neurodivergent people and those around them. Of course, it doesn’t happen overnight! But the journey can be rewarding and life-changing. So, let’s celebrate difference and diversity. And celebrate each other. We don’t need to simply navigate a world that doesn’t feel like an easy fit – we can thrive in it.