How working with a coach is different than self-help advice

I wanted to dive into this topic as it is quite common for people to try to apply self-help advice from books or online without success, before deciding to reach out and work with a coach to overcome their challenges with confidence. 

Most people are extremely overwhelmed by the amount of self-help advice they are consuming from internet, books or workshops. Often the amount of overwhelm is greater when reading a tonne of advice, than the amount of overwhelm generated by the challenge itself. 

This happens because we can access a wealth of information about everything online. It's easy to believe that that information will help us to solve our challenges. In some cases, it may help - but some challenges are more complex than we think, so finding the root cause can be very difficult.

An example of trying to manage a lack of communication confidence

Someone feels challenged around communicating assertively at the workplace and ends up taking on too many tasks. This person is also finding it difficult to say 'no’ because they are afraid of being judged by others, perceived as lazy, difficult or risk losing their job.

What the person does next is identify that communication is the challenge. They are willing to find ways of improving their communication, so they go on to Google or read a few self-help books - searching for the right answers. On the internet, they find endless free advice such as '5 steps to a successful conversation', 'The key to excellent communication', 'How to communicate effectively' and the list continues. After reading all this information they apply just a little, that they can remember! Consequently, the person feels, even more, overwhelmed, frustrated and powerless and has very little hope that they will overcome this challenge.

Why does the advice you read on the internet sometimes make things worse?

If we continue the thread of the above example, it may on the surface look like communication is the real challenge, but actually what lays underneath is the fear of being judged or rejected by others. Those fears may block any human from speaking out for themselves, set up personal boundaries or say 'no'  when needed.

In this case, the inability to communicate assertively is just the tip of the iceberg so the free internet advice tackling this specifically are unlikely to help. People may be tempted to work on what they notice at the surface level (behaviour), try hard to use their free will, but this may not get them very far - simply because this isn't the true issue at all. What they need to do is identify the root cause of their behaviour.

Fears are deeply rooted in us, making them difficult to identify and change. Most likely they are showing up in many areas of life, disguised in different presentations of behaviour. 

How is working with a coach different from trying to apply the self-help advice?

• You will have dedicated support tailored to you. A coach will work with you from a neutral space focusing on your agenda and needs. The approach of the coach is different from client to client and is not one size fits all.
• The coach will be able to notice conflicting statements and blind spots. We all have our blind spots and having someone neutral alongside whilst you navigate your challenges will help you see a broader and clearer picture.
• Will help you understand 'why' you are doing what you are doing. Understanding the true why will eliminate any trace of blame or shame that you may have towards yourself or others.
• Will enable you to change your internal narrative. We are all making up stories and meanings about situations in our lives, but some of them are toxic and unhelpful. We can, however, change the story with a more useful one and generate positive emotions and confidence towards the situation. 
• You will be able to match your actions with your own personal values. This means you will no longer do things because others are doing them, but instead follow actions that feel truthful and important to you. This may feel a little weird at the beginning, but may boost the trust in yourself and the sense of confidence.
• It can be time effective. Trying to overcome certain challenges and notice the blind spots by yourself is difficult, energy consuming and may take a long time. For example, how long have you been trying to self-serve a resolution to the behaviour that encouraged you to read this in the first place? Working with a coach may help you pinpoint the issues and map small and actionable steps for you - along a sustainable path, 

If you've done everything you could by trying to apply a self-help advice, and you're still not getting the desired results, then it may be a good time to reach out and start working with a coach.

Coaching can be more effective for some people as it may address the cause of your behaviours, rather than the specific behaviour itself. For example, trying to tackle a fear of speaking up in meetings is unlikely to be resolved without a clear roadmap of building your confidence - that's exactly what a coach can help you to do. 

All-in-all, while self-help is a great step towards your development and desire to change, it may not be specific enough to your own sense of self to truly nurture sustainable results.