Five reasons why we make excuses

Have you ever tried to make a change for the better in your life?

Tried to do something differently?

Then you probably know it is easy to get bogged down. Whilst the idea of change sounds great, we can become more uncertain once we realise the practicalities involved, or when we face the first obstacles and resistance on our path.

We might even put off getting started indefinitely. Or decide that it is much better to stay where we are after all.

Now, that might, of course, be the case. Or are we perhaps making an excuse?

It takes honesty to admit this, but there is absolutely no shame in it. We all do it. Here are five reasons why we make excuses

1. Inertia gets the better of us

We can make empty promises to ourselves all the time. Particularly when a new year rolls around, many of us make a resolution to introduce a regular run or workout into our schedule, or to make healthier choices around what we eat.

Or we aim bigger and promise ourselves that this is the year we will quit the job we do not love anymore, take a sabbatical or move to a foreign country.

Then our routine sets in, and waking up in the darkness of a cold January morning makes the prospect of a run far less enticing than it originally seemed. At work, it seems to be everyone’s birthday, and cakes and cookies are always around. Then the effort to write our notice and start researching what to do next seems huge. The job, after all, is not that bad, and what would we do on a sabbatical anyway?

Before we know it, inertia gets the better of us. It seems easier to stick with our old ways, so we make an excuse to do just that.

2. We’re doubting

Initially, the change we wanted to make in our life seemed like a great idea. But then we get into it a bit more and learn what it would take to make it a reality.

Our best friend listens to what we want to do, raises an eyebrow, and asks, “Really? Are you sure?” Our spouse gets worried at the prospect of us leaving our job. Nobody in our company has ever taken a sabbatical before. And wasn’t there an acquaintance who had a horrendous experience when she moved to another country?

So an insidious little voice starts to speak to us in our minds: What you want to do is crazy. It’s impossible. You can’t do it. You haven’t got what it takes. It’ll never work.

We start doubting and, before long, we believe that perhaps the change we envisaged was not such a good idea after all. Statements like “It’s too difficult” or “I can’t do it” become our excuse, helping us out of the discomfort of our doubts.

3. We’re scared

There are many things we can get scared of when contemplating a change, and sometimes we are not even aware of what exactly they are. It might be our doubts that we are scared of, the risk we believe we have to take in order to change, or not knowing what the outcome of our efforts will be.

Underneath all that may be the fear that we might fail, get rejected, be judged by others, end up in unacceptable circumstances or make a mistake. Some of us are even scared that we might be successful and have to contend with the envy of others.

These are uncomfortable feelings, so we grab an excuse to avoid them.

4. We’re not ready

Readiness is a key factor in moving us into actually making a change we say we want. This is both on the inside and on the outside:

• Accepting that we need to make a change.
• Feeling that we have researched and thought through our change enough.
• Making the key decisions our change needs, and feeling at peace with them.
• Putting practical preparations in place so we can get started.

Sometimes, we might need just a little push to get us going. When we are really ready to make our change, it can feel as though nothing can stop us. But forcing things when we are not ready may not help us succeed. In those moments, excuses can buy us more time.

5. We’re not motivated

What motivates you more: the carrot or the stick? The prospect of your reward when you have successfully made your change, such as greater health and wellbeing, more joy at work or a better life? Or the fear of the negative consequences if you do not change, such as gaining weight and developing a related illness, stress at work, or dying with regrets?

Many people are more motivated by the stick. It is often the pain or stress of a situation we are in that becomes our greatest incentive to change. Until it reaches a level that feels almost unbearable, we may stay where we are and keep making excuses.