Feeling stuck? Your story might be holding you back

In 2017, I went viral by accident. I’d written a Facebook post about cuts to education—an angry, late-night post driven by frustration. The next morning, I woke up to thousands of comments and messages from strangers, over 700 friend requests, and an urgent call from someone senior in local government cross that I'd crossed a political line. My post had been shared over 24,000 times overnight. It was in the national press within hours.

At the time, it felt like something important might come from it. People were clearly paying attention. The message resonated. The problem felt seen.

But nothing changed.

It sparked conversation, sure. It generated outrage, support, and even some insults (which I’ll spare you here). But once the moment passed, the energy dissipated. There was no shift in the system I’d criticised, no change in policy, no meaningful outcome. The viral moment came and went.

In the years since, I’ve thought a lot about that post—why it landed, and why it didn’t lead anywhere. And, more recently, I’ve started to see it through the lens of my coaching work.

What’s the story we’re telling?

As a coach, I spend a lot of time with clients exploring the stories we tell ourselves. These might be stories about our careers, our confidence, our relationships with authority, our perceived failures, or our aspirations that haven’t materialised. And more often than not, the story has a clear antagonist. Something—or someone—is in the way.

That’s natural. When we’re facing stress, conflict, or disappointment, we want to explain it. We want to be understood. We want validation. Sometimes, we want justice.

But there’s a fine line between telling a truthful story and getting stuck in a problem-saturated narrative—a version of events that may be accurate but ultimately keeps us feeling powerless.

The trouble with trauma-led narratives

Recently I revisited a powerful TED Talk by Nathalie McDermott, a journalist and founder of HEARD, which supports marginalised communities to tell their own stories. In the talk, she shares how we—both as individuals and as a society—have become addicted to trauma-narratives.

She describes how these stories, especially when told in the media, are often framed around suffering. They draw us in emotionally. They create a sense of urgency. But crucially, they rarely lead to change.

“Telling stories of trauma is not enough to create change,” Nathalie said.
“We need to tell stories that not only highlight the issues but also illuminate the solutions and the strength of those affected.” 

This struck a chord. It helped me name something I’d seen often in coaching conversations—where the narrative someone brings is raw and real, but framed in a way that leaves them feeling stuck, rather than resourceful.

The drama triangle: Victim, rescuer, persecutor

Many people I work with are familiar with the concept of the drama triangle—a psychological model that describes how we can find ourselves in patterns of victim, rescuer, or persecutor roles.

When we position ourselves as the victim of a situation, the story we tell tends to be focused on what's been done to us. We may have been overlooked for promotion, micromanaged, pushed out of a job, or undervalued for years. The pain is real. But if the story stops there, we may struggle to imagine anything different.

In this space, people often find themselves saying:

• There’s nothing I can do.
• It always goes this way.
• I’m just not the kind of person who gets picked.
• They’ll never change.

The story becomes a closed loop. The only possible outcomes are endurance or escape.

Reframing: Not spin, but strategy

Reframing isn’t about denying what’s happened or ignoring real barriers. It’s not about positive thinking for the sake of it. Reframing is about seeing your story from a different angle—one that allows for movement, possibility, and growth.

Instead of “This always happens to me,” a reframed narrative might be:

• I’m beginning to see a pattern in how I respond in these situations.
• This has happened before, and I want to explore how I might approach it differently.
• Even if I can’t change the system, I can choose my response within it.

This kind of shift can feel subtle, but it opens up space. Space to take action. Space to ask for something different. Space to change how we show up.

Reframing in coaching

In coaching sessions, I often help clients examine the story they’re telling themselves. Not to question its truth—but to ask whether it’s helpful. Whether it’s serving them. Whether it creates movement or reinforces stuckness.

Sometimes, it starts with small questions:

• What part of this situation do you have control over?
• What strength have you shown, even in difficulty?
• What would it look like to be the main character here, rather than a side character?

In some cases, people begin to spot where they’ve unconsciously handed away their power—perhaps by waiting for others to change, or assuming a fixed outcome.

This isn’t easy work. Especially when someone’s been treated unfairly, experienced trauma, or been let down repeatedly. Reframing isn’t about blame—it’s about restoring agency. About helping someone stand more fully in their own story.

Beyond awareness

Which brings me back to that viral post.

It raised awareness. It told the truth. But it didn’t offer a path forward. It didn’t illuminate any real solution, or invite people into agency. In many ways, it mirrored what we often do in our own lives: shine a light on the pain, but stop short of imagining what could come next.

That moment taught me something I now bring into my coaching every day: that awareness is only the starting point. Change needs more than recognition. It needs intention, structure, support—and often, a new way of telling the story.

What story are you telling?

If you’ve been feeling stuck—whether in your relationships, your work, your leadership, your confidence, or your next move—it’s worth asking:

• How are you framing your situation?
• Is the story empowering you or overwhelming you?
• What might shift if you told it a different way?

These are the kinds of questions coaches explore with clients. And often, the answers don’t appear all at once. But the process of exploring them—the act of reframing—can itself be a powerful first step.