4 secrets to conquering a fear of failure

I work with both career women and entrepreneurs, and almost all of them tell me that they have a fear of failure.

The source of the fear varies. It may be, “I might appear stupid” or “I’m not good enough”. But for both groups of women, the feeling can be paralysing and cause procrastination.

That can then lead to us playing small, not moving outside our comfort zones and not taking up new opportunities.

If you’d like to manage your fear of failure, I have four strategies to share with you.

Stop running films in your head

This type of thinking is known as “what if” thinking. We play films in our minds about the possible catastrophes that could happen. Although we know these events are imagined, the thoughts can still trigger real emotional and physical responses.

Decide whether there is anything you can do to reduce the likelihood or impact of the worst possibilities. If not, try to let go of the film because it is outside your control. Distract yourself or focus on the positive outcomes that could also occur.

Visualise the obstacles

A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology in 2011 took two groups of students and asked them to write about what they thought would happen in their lives during the coming week.

One group was asked to imagine that everything would go well, while the other group was asked to write down any thoughts about the week that came to mind.

Surprisingly, the students asked to imagine a positive week had less energy and felt that they had achieved less during the week than the control group.

This suggests that positive thinking alone isn’t always enough to achieve the outcomes we want. Research indicates that it can be helpful to balance a desired positive outcome with consideration of the obstacles and struggles we may encounter.

Have a go at visualising a situation in which you are afraid of failure. Imagine yourself encountering an obstacle, allow yourself to notice the fear and then see yourself carrying on anyway.

Finally, think about how you could overcome these obstacles, and then see yourself succeeding despite them.

Separate yourself from the failure

When you’ve failed in the past, did you make it about you or about the situation?

It’s important to take responsibility for our actions, but that doesn’t mean that we are failures. It is much healthier if you can separate yourself and your beliefs about who you are from what actually happened.

For example, making a mistake in a project doesn’t mean that you’re stupid or not good enough. It means that you made a mistake and can learn from it for next time.

Feel the fear – and do it anyway

Even if you use the strategies above, you may still experience fear. Because we don’t like feeling uncomfortable, it can stop us from moving forward.

Rather than trying to get rid of the feeling immediately, try sitting quietly with the sensations and breathing slowly. Alternatively, imagine that you are sitting outside yourself and observing what you are doing.

You may find that the feeling changes or becomes easier to tolerate as your body begins to settle.

Recognising that fear can change over time may help you feel more confident about taking action next time.