Three steps to take back your power

If you want to build self-confidence and take back your power, small daily actions can make a real difference. By reframing old experiences, challenging impossible standards and practising courage in everyday moments, you can begin to feel stronger, more authentic and more in control of your life.

Step one

Master a gentle version of the reframing technique. Reframing is a way of changing how you relate to past events that still trouble you:

• Begin by relaxing your body and centring your mind.
• Take yourself back to an event that affected you and get in touch with the emotions you felt at the time. If the memory feels too overwhelming or distressing, stop and consider seeking support from a qualified professional.
• Reframe it. See the scene running through your mind; watch it on a big screen. Now ask yourself whether there is another way to understand what happened. What else might be true? What did you learn? What strength did you show? What would you say to a friend who had experienced the same thing?
• Practise this over time with memories that feel safe to reflect on. Begin with the least troublesome and, as you become more comfortable using the technique, you can explore more challenging issues with care.

This sends a powerful message to yourself that old experiences can be viewed with new, more positive and empowering interpretations.

Step two

Take one action each day that represents a willingness to reclaim your power. Risk expressing yourself, risk not being liked by not people-pleasing, risk being your authentic self. It only needs to be a tiny action, but tiny actions each day create huge changes.

Commit daily to strengthening your courage muscles, building self-confidence and self-esteem and taking back your power.

Step three

Stop judging yourself as not good enough. Ask yourself: “How realistic are the goals and standards I am setting for myself?”

Here’s the thing: there’s a paradox here. There’s nothing wrong with having high expectations of ourselves, as low expectations can lead to underachievement. However, impossible ones can crush your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Take a journal and write down:

“When I fail to live up to my expectations today or fall below the standard I set myself, I have always told myself...”

Write down the first three thoughts that come into your head.

For example: “I screwed up. I will always be the runner-up, never the winner. Everyone else is successful and has it right except for me.”

Then write down in your journal something kinder and more supportive, such as:

“I am learning. I am allowed to be imperfect. I am more than one mistake, and I can speak to myself with compassion today.”

Make it happen. You can do this. It’s your time to shine.