Why do I feel anxious and always compare myself to others?
Do you feel you put everyone else first?
Do you compare yourself to others?
Do you feel you are not good enough?
Do you feel anxious when your partner or family members seems unhappy?
Do you constantly worry about life?
Do you fear rejection?
Do you feel uncomfortable with change?
Do you feel you are not worthy and life is too difficult?
Do you find it hard to trust your own views and opinions?
If you identify with any of these questions and are asking yourself what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be happy? The first thing to know is that you is not alone. These areas of your life can change and you don’t have to feel this way.
These thoughts may be deep rooted and you may never remember a time you didn’t feel this way.
These behaviors or thoughts can be identified in many forms, one of which is codependency. However we describe these behaviors, they are reversible and life can be better.
The first steps include:
Understanding where these beliefs/thoughts come from and the impact they have
The more we learn about ourselves the better life becomes. So we need to understand that these thoughts and behaviours can at times be traced back to childhood and that a person may never remember reacting or feeling a different way. Our surroundings and experiences shape who we are so when a person is unable to develop their own self worth or learn how to deal with their emotions this causes an imbalance. It is then a learnt behaviour that they measure their own self worth by other people’s happiness. Perhaps solving their partner’s problems, trying to do the right thing to ensure that the other person will never leave them or be angry with them. Ultimately they believe that if they put themselves first they will become unlikeable or unlovable.
These behaviours cause a person to focus all their attention and energy onto another, creating anxiety, tension and pain. By redressing this balance it creates focus back onto the self, which regains perspective.
Correcting irrational thoughts
By taking a step back and observing these thoughts allows a person to witness the chaos that they are contributing towards their own pain. Once these have been identified new habits can be created to address the unbalanced emotions and irrational thoughts.
Start by building a relationship with yourself
However challenging this may be, with practice a person can regain control to allow themselves to become more assertive, start doing things they enjoy and setting boundaries for themselves to create personal growth and a more healthy balanced life. As Oscar Wilde eloquently quotes,
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”