The choice of deciding what is best for you
I got thinking about the concept of saying "no" on a recent holiday. You know those occasions when you have time to breathe, relax, and reflect away from all the noise of life?
What was I saying "yes" to, and why?
When did I say "no", and what made up that decision?
I realised that, although I could at times say "no" to personal arrangements (this took time to develop), I barely ever said "no" to work. So what did that mean?
Was I people-pleasing? Was I desperate? Did I know what was really important to me in my work? Was my energy going to a place where I would truly thrive?
These questions can stop us in our tracks and help us delve deeper into our why. We can understand what is driving us and ensure that we connect to what makes us thrive. And when we thrive those around us get the benefit too. Our energy levels soar, our enthusiasm is on fire, and our self-doubt dissipates. It's a win, win when you get in flow saying "yes" to what aligns with your values and, quite often, your natural skill set and passion.
On the other side of the coin saying "yes" without checking in can lead to the following:
- loss of direction
Always know you have the choice of deciding what is best for you.
We often say "yes" due to an inherent desire to fit in or to be validated. We are designed to be part of a tribe. This is how our ancestors functioned and stepping away from conformity and fitting in can be uncomfortable for us to endure. However, maybe what you need is to be part of a different tribe? Or to simply acknowledge that the best direction for you to go in is not with your current tribe. You may need to go in a direction that is better for you and that sets you apart from the crowd. You can break this down though, as it can be daunting.
Would you rather be conforming, unhappy and safe, or making a decision that feels right for you as a person, that although uncomfortable could create new opportunities?
Are you really alone if you have a friend or mentor you can share your thoughts and work through your decision with?
What support could you put in place if you say "no"?
Let's explore a little example here:
I embark on a job interview. I am looking for an improved salary and I am ready for a new challenge. I get offered the fabulous role I applied for! Woo, hoo I feel great! The company wants me! They choose me! My dopamine levels are high and I am ecstatic.
I am about to start my acceptance email and then I remember, just for a moment that the hybrid working is off the table for the first six months. I also remember how there is a real sense of hierarchy and strict procedures in the company which conflicts with my values around openness and equality.
I question is this the job for me? Yet if I don't take it I could be missing out on a great opportunity. What to do?
Enlist a friend, mentor, or coach to talk through what the day-to-day would look like and feel like working for the company. Imagine yourself working there after three months of that day-to-day. Another option is to grab your journal and detail your thoughts. Share what core values you hold that will show up in this job and what ones could be in conflict. The impact of this.
Next up, detail all of the reasons you have been accepted into the role, what your qualities are and what you could offer any future company. You can even go so far as to list all of your achievements and skill sets. that you have acquired over your working life. This part is essential because if you do say "no" you will still have the confidence to know that you can get another role that is more suited to what you want, and need, and which enables you to thrive. Thriving means feeling and being happy, giving your best at work and at home, so never ever underestimate the power of aligning yourself to a place where you can thrive.
Behind every "no" is an opportunity to say "yes" to something else.
Simply being asked or offered is amazing. A compliment or recognition of your capability is a gift regardless of whether you say "yes" or "no". Always know you have the choice of deciding what is best for you. "Yes" and "no" can both be beneficial in your life if you tap into what is important to you, because behind every "no" is an opportunity to say "yes" to something else.
If you have a desire to thrive more and create more assertive decisions and behaviours, simply get in touch with me to have a warm, open, and different kind of conversation that is all about you!