Self Confidence/Self Esteem

Low self esteem and lack of self confidence is the most common reason why people fail to achieve their full potential in life.  It often originates in childhood and puberty, but that doesn’t mean it’s too late to do anything about it now.  People gravitate towards confident people, people believe in people who believe in themselves and people care about people who care about themselves. 

Whilst this is obviously a large topic, there are a few simple things we can do to improve self esteem. Firstly, listen out for your self-talk. How do you talk to yourself inside your head? Are you encouraging or discouraging? If your internal voice is undermining your self confidence, it’s important to do something about it – you’re effectively hypnotising yourself into believing these negative things. Listen to the voice and imagine it was a parent saying these things to a child, or your best friend talking to you. How would you react? Secondly, distortion can work well – change the sound of the voice into that of a cartoon character or comic. Just noticing this internal voice works better than ‘trying to stop doing it’. Eventually you will find that the negative chattering fades away.

Something that many of us are guilty of to a greater of lesser extent is focussing heavily on our failings, or what could have been better, and not on the achievement. I often ask my clients to create a scrapbook for their achievements – write down things that went well, or that you were pleased with and next time you’re faced with a confidence knock – go back to the book and have a read. When there are things to improve, use gentle and positive feedback rather than aggressively berating yourself. Try – what you liked, what you would have liked more of, and what you especially liked. This is the Pegasus NLP model and it works extremely well on yourself and others.

Robust confidence and self-esteem are linked to your ability to stretch your comfort zone every now and again. Try new things. I often ask my clients to adopt a 10% new approach to life – try something new every day – it needn’t be a big thing – a new route to work, a different sandwich filling etc. Feel the difference as your comfort zone gradually expands.

Finally, if you find social situations a bit difficult, adopt the ‘researcher’ mode – be curious. If you have a genuine interest in the other party and what they are saying, any concerns about yourself will disappear.

 Top Tips

  • Listen out for negative self-talk
  • Create a book for your achievements
  • Stretch your comfort zone frequently with 10% new
  • Be curious about other people

NLP coaching can support you in improving your self esteem and building confidence.  It works quickly and effectively to get you the best results.

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