How to manage your expectations
Yesterday I got my first copy of my book, A Different Breed! Yes, I am a published author now and if you like you can find the book on amazon.co.uk, amazon.com etc. I was so excited so I sent a message to all of my friends letting them know about my latest achievement, which for me by the way is my biggest achievement after giving birth to my two kids.
Well, it didn't go exactly as planned. A few of them were asking for a free copy and my dear reader that really hurt me. We do expect our close friends to support us, right? It was another reminder that we shouldn't have big expectations from people. Is this realistically doable though?
I am not a supporter of the theory that we shouldn't have expectations as I believe is not doable.
It is nearly impossible not to have expectations.
For example, you send a friend of yours a good morning text, don't you wait for a reply from them? This creates instantly a tiny expectation, doesn't it?
My belief is that we should be able to manage our expectations and try to rationalise them, in order to manage the disappointment instead of trying to persuade ourselves not to have an expectation in the first place.
Rationalising your feelings
Yesterday, I felt disappointed and sad, so after a few minutes, I rationalised this feeling in my head. Convert the emotion to a logical explanation. My conclusion was that maybe my friends or other people had a different perspective of what support means, or they didn't understand - as they are not writers themselves - the importance of this book to me.
I saw them with love instead of anger (after had I allowed some time to myself to feel angry). Emotions cannot hurt us, but what can hurt us is if we allow them to take over our brain. We should be able to manage our emotions in order to understand them and then deal with them.
I used to be a very fiery person in the past, but through the years, and by practising rationalisation as I described above, I improved my communication skills. In simple words, the famous saying goes: give them the benefit of the doubt.
This can apply to everything in your life! You go home after a very long day at the office and your partner might be moody. Instead of looking at them with frustration, you could try to flip the script and see them with love and understanding. Talk to them before you start shouting. To do this, you could use one of the following tips:
- think before you talk
- put yourself in the other person's place
- rationalise your emotions
- breathe, take time then speak
- don't talk when you are upset
- see people with love and understanding
Thank you and if you would like to have a private session with me in how you can improve your emotional management, communication and anger issues, please contact me.
Have an awesome day!
Love and light to all of you,
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