Finding my purpose in life and how to find yours

What is my purpose? This question comes up a lot, with the clients I work with, and it’s a great question and certainly one of the most important questions to be asking yourself if you don’t feel completely fulfilled in what you’re doing, and how your life is currently panning out.

My story

For me, I didn’t grow up knowing exactly what I wanted to do. I read my first biography when I was a teenager and that was my first clue. Over the years, I’ve read a lot of biographies, particularly entrepreneurial, sporting biographies, personal development, and self-help books, and not have any idea where this would lead me but just insanely drawn to these books every single time. I loved stories about people and people achieving incredible things - building iconic businesses, remarkable sporting achievements, overcoming the most daunting challenges, being hugely inspired and piecing together the patterns and learnings from every story.

At university, it still didn’t dawn on me what I should be doing or studying, my worldview was somewhat limited, so I enrolled in a retail management degree because I thought it was the path I should be on. Yet, within the first term, I realised I had absolutely no interest in it. During a conversation with a fellow student in my dormitory, she passionately discussed psychology, and it sounded infinitely more captivating than my current field of study. That very day, I approached my tutors and inquired about the possibility of switching courses. Fortunately, I was able to make the change.

After graduating with a social psychology degree, I still didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing. I loved the topic, but I had no idea of the kind of career that I would enjoy and how I could put my learnings into use. I blindly sent my CV off to some recruitment agencies and was again lucky enough to be offered a role within HR for Accenture, a management consultancy and then for an investment bank. It was a great opportunity and I loved the topic, and the people element but I didn’t love the office politics, I didn’t fit in, and corporate life wasn’t really for me.

Even though I was on the path to ticking off all the boxes that people told me would lead to success and happiness, the truth was I just felt empty, the drudgery of the 9-5 pm, the long commutes, the office politics, the lack of freedom wasn’t for me. I remember thinking, is this it? The thought of living like this for the rest of my life didn’t excite me.

An opportunity arose to work abroad in Hong Kong, and I seized it. Changing my surroundings, and immersing myself in a completely different culture and energy, was exactly what I needed.

It showed me that what I had aspired to and what is considered normal are not the same in every country. Yes, you can have noodles for breakfast, mix tea with coffee, live in a city where an LV bag is a necessary accessory, literally shop till you drop, work hard and play hard and sleep at your desk at lunchtime, all things considered normal in the city of Hong Kong. Whilst none of those things were for me, it was refreshing to know that things could be different and to just try out other things.

First transformational moments

During this transformative period, two pivotal moments altered the course of my life.

Firstly, I listened to Steve Jobs's commencement speech headlined, You’ve got to find what you love and the three stories he shared.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

"You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever."

My second story is about love and loss.

"Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle."

My third story is about death.

"Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Second pivotal moment

The second pivotal moment occurred during an online interview on Facebook Live, where Sheryl Sandberg interviewed Oprah Winfrey. In this interview, Oprah's key message centred on authenticity. She stressed that being your authentic self is the only path to true happiness and success. Oprah attributed her own success to embracing her authenticity.

From that point on, I began paying closer attention to what I wanted, following my curiosities and stopping listening to others. 

After an eye-opening six years in Hong Kong, I returned to the UK, where I continued to read self-help books and biographies, I also went on yoga retreat, took up yoga teacher training, started a meditation practice, organised well-being retreats, and then studied a masters in applied positive psychology and coaching psychology, none of which I knew where it would lead, but just trusting that the journey would be worth it.

My purpose

That journey led me to coaching, something I had never considered, wasn’t aware of, never experienced and yet the ‘dots all connected’ everything I had been reading, and learning over the years aligned with being a coach.

Today, my life is filled with fulfilment, meaning, and purpose. I am deeply passionate about what I do — helping people uncover their purpose, confront their fears, and overcome challenges. I no longer feel that profound emptiness or worry that I am wasting my life.

Every aspect of my life, and how I spend my day reflects who I am and aligns with my greater purpose; to be of service in a meaningful way by helping others in finding their purpose and enhancing their overall well-being.

How can well-being models be helpful?

PERMA model

In the realm of psychology, there are various well-being models, such as the PERMA model by Professor Martin Seligman. PERMA is an acronym for the five pillars of psychological well-being.

1. Positive Emotions - Seek, engage in, and cultivate activities that bring you joy.
2. Engagement - Notice and immerse yourself in activities that lead to flow.
3. Relationships - Invest time in building meaningful relationships.
4. Meaning - Explore and discover what holds meaning for you.
5. Accomplishments - Set goals and celebrate both small and big wins.

Ikagi

The Japanese well-being model of ‘Ikigai’, meaning the reason for living, can also be helpful. Your Ikigai is your life purpose. You can ask yourself:

1. What do you love?
2. What are you good at?
3. What does the world need?
4. What can you be paid for?

Coaching and finding your purpose

If you ever want help with finding your purpose, there are wonderful coaches available to help you. Working with a Coach can help you to uncover these elements, allowing you to share out loud what’s on your mind in a safe, non-judgmental space, reflect and summarise back to you what they hear, uncover any blindspots on how you see yourself, and challenge you on the things that might be holding you back or stopping you from achieving what you want.

In sharing my own journey, and the wisdom of Steve Jobs and Oprah Winfrey, finding your purpose can take time but what I promise you is this; that time spent will be truly worth it.

Feel free to reach out if you have any questions!