Effective communication – the need to adapt

Treat people the way that you want to be treated! This is how I was raised – with the understanding that it was really important to treat people the way that I wanted to be treated. I thought it was perfectly normal until I started to take a greater interest in people and what makes them tick.

What makes you tick might be very different to what makes me tick and that goes for the many people you will meet in your life. Some will be more closely aligned with you in terms of values and behaviours and you will probably find that these are people that you have CHOSEN to spend time with. Challenges in this area become more apparent when you have to spend time and communicate with people who you would not have chosen to be in your inner circle, consider some of your work colleagues!

If we want to get the best from the many different relationships we have, we need to start recognising what is important to those around us – what motivates them, what they might be fearful of, what is important to them or what their challenges might be. The more time we take to understand what makes different people tick, we can start to change the way we communicate with them and improve our relationships.

Take me for example, I am a people person and my written communication can, with the right people, be quite fluffy. This comes very naturally to me. If you know the personality profiling tool DISC, I am a high I with a good level of S – I am all about people and so without thinking and making an effort my style would more easily tick the needs of the people who fall into this camp.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, you have more task-driven people, your Ds and Cs. What I know of these individuals is that they are driven and motivated in a different way from me (unless they have a good level of I and/or S thrown in). They are more focused on the task and as a result their communication, especially their written communication, can be more directed, more fact-based and a lot less fluffy! I wish I’d understood this earlier in my life and my career but no one told me. I probably frustrated a number of people with my fluffy communication thinking It was the right approach – now I understand how frustrating it is but how easily it can be changed!

I want you to imagine a scenario where someone (who is quite different to you) is communicating with you in THEIR style. What does that look like? How does that feel? How successful is their communication with you? Now consider the person who really ‘gets you’ – how does that communication feel different?

Now consider how often YOU really THINK about the people with whom you’re communicating and the efforts you make to adapt your style to get the best from that conversation or email. What changes might you need to make in the future? How might small changes help to improve your relationships?

Effective communication is the KEY to successful relationships both at work and at home. To be more effective it’s important to consider who you are communicating with and what THEIR needs are. The more you can start reflecting on this, adapting your style as you go, the more quickly you will start to see improvements in your relationships.