Dealing with grief

This confession is a tough one. It covers loss and grief - experiences we are all familiar with in some capacity. We can grieve the loss of different things in our life. The most obvious trigger of grief is the death of someone close to us, but grief can also occur with the loss of a relationship, a friendship, loss of health, or a physical object that held special memories for us. Here's my story of grief...

This time five years ago, I lost the most special man in my life: my Grandad. My Grandad helped my mum to raise me and my sister from a very young age. He became my father figure very early on. But, not only was he my father figure, he was my source of guidance and support whenever I needed him. We would sit for hours talking about the most random things. My love of history came from these conversations. My Grandad would talk to me about his childhood, lessons he learnt throughout his life, and give me valuable advice for mine.

My Grandad always had this dream for my life. He wanted me to become a lecturer at a university. I started this journey by getting a place on my Master's course. My Grandad sadly passed away when I was just a few months in. I have since gone on to start my career as a university teacher and publish research under my Grandad's surname to continue his legacy.

These last five years have not been easy for me. The first year was terrible, I'll be honest. I just existed. I was now navigating my world with a huge hole in my chest. I became numb to any emotion and just cracked on. I met an amazing guy a few months after my Grandad's death, but because I was struggling to deal with my emotions, the relationship broke down. Five years in, I still have my moments, but I've come to terms with everything.

A couple of common things we often do when dealing with grief is either shut ourselves away, or completely ignore our emotions and just try to crack on with life. Not acknowledging how we are feeling with grief can be detrimental to our mental health. I've put together a list of key things below to best support you in times when you are experiencing grief (for whatever reason).

How to support yourself when grieving 

Face your feelings

It's so important that you acknowledge how you feel. Understanding how you feel about your loss can help with the healing process. Hiding those feelings away can only negatively impact your mental health further down the line.

Look after your physical and mental health

When we experience grief, our physical health can quickly deteriorate if we aren't careful. Lack of sleep, avoiding eating, crawling up into a ball for days on end, and using alcohol or substances to numb the pain, can all not only impact us physically but also emotionally. Our mental and physical health are connected. When our physical health is in check, we can cope better emotionally. Be sure to keep engaging in activities you enjoy doing and see loved ones who want to support you.

Don't let anyone tell you how you should be feeling

When we experience grief, we are bombarded with messages from others to tell us how we should be feeling. Sometimes this is intended to come from a good place, but it can be a hindrance to the healing process. Don't feel embarrassed about crying. Crying is a natural human way of releasing emotion. You may feel numb for ages, then all of a sudden find yourself crying - it's OK! Our emotions can be hard to navigate when grieving. The same goes for if you don't cry. It's also OK not to cry (even if you think otherwise!) Some of us feel so guilty about not crying. We all react to grievances in different ways.

Time doesn't matter

Symptoms of grief can occur for different lengths of time for different people. Don't beat yourself up if you're months in and still struggling to come to terms with it. One thing I learnt - the grief never goes away, you just learn how to manage it moving forward. But also, as you start to continue moving forward with your life after your experience of loss, don't feel guilty about doing so. It's completely okay to move forward. You are taking the memories with you in a positive way.

If you are experiencing grief and feel that your symptoms of grief are severely impacting you physically and/or mentally, please don't be afraid to talk to someone.

Love Kalli x