The female battle - mum, career or both?
I have lots of clients and friends battling with this topic:
Why am I not good enough? Why aren’t I capable of being everything to everyone?
Often comparing themselves to every other woman or the woman who they believe they are.
The super mum who has everything under control: her looks, the school runs, the parties, the hobbies, she even manages to have a successful career as well. However the reality can be so far from that statement. If we could only see what is real rather than what we perceive is real.
This battle comes in three forms:
- The mum that feels she is inadequate that she should be juggling a career along side being a mother.
- The mum that feels guilty that she is juggling a career and not a spending enough time with her children.
- The career woman that feels inadequate that she hasn't had children and in some way just being herself is not enough.
As the Bhagavad-Gita (the external message of spiritual wisdom from ancient India) states, “It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of someone’s else life with perfection.”
But why in this western world do we punish and torture ourselves with trying to live the life we want and accepting we are all the same, when we all just want happiness and contentment with no guilt?
1. Understand what’s important to you. It is important at this point to recognise that there is always a trade off with any decision. The imperfections of life are a constant within our lives.
Create a list of the reasons why you made your decision. Was it for satisfaction, money, or contentment? This is a great reminder of what is important to you. By putting yourself at the center of these decisions and asking yourself, "What is my intention for making this decision?" You will ensure you bring the best version of yourself to the world, your family and your career.
2. Placing exceptions on yourself. We constantly use the phrase "I should”, creating lists of unspoken rules, which often shape our lives without us realising. They control us and we are accepting of them as night follows day.
If we replaced the word “should" with “could" it will help us reconnect with what our true intensions are around the situation, removing the self-loathing, judgment and what we believe is expected of us.
3. Acceptance. Stop comparing yourself to others and more importantly what you believe they are achieving. This will only create frustration and a feeling of falling short. Social media can inflate the image of the perfect wife, the perfect family, or the perfect employee when in reality we are all striving for the same thing.
If you would like to work on becoming more content with your decisions and life, focus on your awareness around the points above. Understanding what triggers these emotions, will enable you to question how you can change your behaviour.
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About Jo Rayner
Jo has been involved in coaching for over 20 years and her passion in life has been to help individuals and businesses to fulfil their potential, either in their life, career, health, finances or business development. Jo has a diploma in Life Coaching with the UK College of Personal Development and is a member of the Association for Coaching.