Permission to be selfish
Anxiety and stress sucks!
It eats away at our confidence, self esteem and overall functionality. How much of it is caused by putting others before ourselves? Too much?
We justify it by calling it selfless, as if that’s always a positive thing and if you trawl the internet you will see thousands of 'inspirational quotes' telling us this is the only way to live a fulfilling and meaningful life. I am not sure that is true. There is no doubt that giving and caring for others makes us feel good and makes others feel good and so that has a positive effect on society and ourselves to a certain extent, but we only have so much energy and thinking capacity to give, so if we are giving it all away, what do we have left for us? We end up running on empty, and that leads to burn out, which in turn leads to a state of mental and physical health that can be difficult to claw our way out of.
I believe life is all about balance. I believe wellness and wellbeing is all about balance, so being 'selfless' and 'selfish' are also all about balance. I was once told that being 'selfish' simply means giving ‘less to yourself’ therefore 'selfish' must mean 'more to yourself', which is not always a bad thing. I don’t mean the type of selfish that hurts others or results in negative outcomes for you, your life or the people in it. I mean the type of 'selfish' that allows you to put ‘you first’ for a short time each day, each week or even each month. The type of 'selfish' that says ‘this is my life and I am giving myself permission to think about myself, care for myself, heal myself and empower myself for the life I want to live moving forward’. This type of 'selfish' allows you to grow as a person, grow in personal strength and take control of your life, as much as you ever can.
Maybe its time we brought a new meaning to being 'selfish'.
S - Stop and relax.
E - Energise and recharge your batteries.
L - Love and indulge in your passions.
F - Friends and family - quality time.
I - Independence - think for yourself.
S - Self esteem - develop ‘self worth’.
H - Health and happiness is a priority.
Being 'selfish' is not always a bad thing, it is certainly better than 'burn out' caused by being too 'selfless'. Sometimes it might even be the answer to help you overcome personal issues that are stealing your life from you.
There is no shame in putting ‘you first’ - in fact it is a necessity for survival.
Take control - get selfish.
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About Kim Rutherford
Director of Dalton Wise Coaching and Therapy. I am a qualified Coach & Trainer with 20 years experience in corporate business. I provide my national clients with: Life Coaching, Business Coaching, Career Coaching, Hypnotherapy, Leadership Development and Wellness & Wellbeing Consultancy, from my Liverpool City Centre Office.