Why our beliefs create our reality and how you can challenge that

You may have heard the phrase ‘our beliefs create our reality’. While our beliefs don't determine everything that happens to us, they can influence how we interpret situations, the choices we make and how we respond.

We often end up finding evidence that seems to confirm our own negative beliefs about ourselves. For example…

• “I knew that would happen.”
• “I told you I couldn’t do that.”
• “See, you are doing that again.”

But it really isn’t as simple as our beliefs determining what happens to us. With greater personal awareness of how we think and the beliefs we hold, we can give ourselves more opportunity to question our assumptions and choose how we respond.

Beliefs are the way we interpret the world through our own unique perceptions and lens. We experience life through the vast amount of information that comes into our senses. Our experiences, relationships and the messages we receive from others can all contribute to the beliefs we develop about ourselves and the world around us.

Some beliefs are so familiar that we may rarely stop to question them. Over time, they can become assumptions we automatically bring to situations.

Our beliefs include thoughts and ideas that we have come to accept as true. However, what we believe about ourselves or our circumstances isn't necessarily an objective fact. It can be useful to question beliefs that feel restrictive or no longer reflect our experiences.

Why should you second-guess yourself about something you believe is true? Well, because sometimes those beliefs do not serve you and, without you realising it, they may influence how you see yourself, the choices you make and what you believe is possible.

Some of our beliefs may be influenced by childhood experiences, the messages we received from other people and what we've experienced later in life. A belief that once made sense to us may no longer fit our circumstances or the person we are today.

The underlying beliefs you hold may have been with you for many years, and so they can feel automatic and habitual. Some beliefs may support us, while others can become restrictive or unhelpful.

Working with underlying beliefs

Many clients come to coaching for reasons they are not really aware of. They often come to me feeling anxious, stressed, stuck, confused, facing a midlife challenge, etc. It might be, for example, negative feelings about something, a behaviour that needs to change, or emotions that they don’t understand. Beliefs can surface in a multitude of ways.

Exploring their beliefs can sometimes help uncover assumptions or patterns that may be contributing to how stuck or uncertain they feel.

For me, coaching allows us to shine a light on your thoughts, feelings and beliefs and have you become more aware of them and be open to challenging them with curiosity and compassion. Where they came from is less a focus for me than becoming aware of what they are for you now and why they aren’t serving you.

I offer a practical journey to help you explore your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs and understand what you may be believing about yourself that isn't helpful. From there, we can explore alternative perspectives and consider which ways of thinking might be more useful going forward.

I aim to provide a supportive, confidential space to explore the areas to focus on and, once we have more clarity, we can consider strategies for change. We use compassionate challenges to explore these beliefs with a curious, non-judgemental mind.

Our thoughts, emotions and behaviour can influence one another, so questioning the way we think can sometimes help us respond to situations differently.

How do we challenge the more negative limiting beliefs you hold?

We start by asking questions such as:

• “What is your inner voice saying to you right now?”
• “How is it speaking to you: a quiet or loud voice, harsh or softly spoken, talking fast or slow?”
• “What belief underpins these thoughts?”
• “Is this belief you hold really true?”
• “What happens when you believe that?”
• “What does it feel like to believe that?”
• “How is this belief relevant or serving you in the present?”
• “How do you know it’s true?”
• “What would you rather believe?”
• “What might be different if you didn't hold this belief so strongly?”

Questions like these can help you step back from beliefs you've previously taken for granted and consider whether there are other ways of looking at yourself or the situation.