Why just talking won't solve your problems!

As the old saying goes, 'a problem shared is a problem halved.' But it's not a problem solved, which is the aim of the game, surely?

It’s very common for clients to see a number of different therapists, coaches and counsellors before they find one they gel with and feel comfortable enough to fully open up with. They may then spend months (or even years) talking about their issues and unpacking them, exploring the reasons behind their feelings and behaviours. 

It’s likely they’ll even feel better during and immediately after their session, but often these feelings don’t last, or the client is unable to translate it into long-term change in their day-to-day life, reacting to triggers in the usual self-sabotaging ways. 

The client is doing all of the things we’re told we’re supposed to when faced with a problem, acknowledging it, dealing with it head on and talking things through with a professional. So why then are they not able to create the change they need to move forward positively in their lives? 

All kinds of common issues, such as; anxiety, depression, procrastination, weight management, anger, addictions, lack of self-esteem or self-belief, people-pleasing and autoimmune diseases are always symptoms of something else. Something at a deeper core level, that needs to be identified, brought to the surface to be explored, and most importantly, processed, which happens in the body (somatically). 

We feel our emotions, we don’t think them. Therefore, we have to feel our way through and out of them. So having self-awareness of our emotions, reactions and behaviours is only the first step in making change. We need to understand the root cause of why we react in a certain way to a trigger, only then can we process and integrate this, and make healthy long lasting change in our lives. 

The 'T' word 

Most people are familiar with what is often termed ‘Big T Trauma’, which is trauma resulting from catastrophic events, such as assault, abuse, severe neglect, major accidents and disasters, things which can cause extreme distress or can be life-threatening. 

However, fewer people are familiar with what we call ‘Little T Trauma’, which comes about as a result of things that cause distress, fear or helplessness but aren’t necessarily considered major life events by broader society. For example, school or workplace bullying and harassment, the death of a pet, the loss of significant relationship, or not having your emotional needs met by your caregivers as a child. This last one can happen even if you were safe and very much loved, with all of your physical needs met. 

Dr. Gabor Maté explains trauma as being your body’s response to the thing that happened to you, not the actual thing that happened to you. And many client’s issues (such as those mentioned above) are their own trauma symptoms showing up.  

These symptoms are just the different parts of us, which are showing up to protect us from something. They are a learned response, maybe from one incident, maybe from several, which has likely happened unconsciously.

So, how can we fully resolve our issues?

A holistic, top-down and bottom-up approach is needed. ‘Top-down’ is about thinking, talking, cognitive processing, rationale and anything that goes on in the head. ‘Bottom-up’ involves anything in the body, feeling your emotions, working them through the body, noticing sensations, and connecting to your core Self. 

A trauma-informed therapist or coach will be able to help you identify what this part is trying to protect you from and why, then process these emotions through the body so that they’re no longer keeping you stuck in unhelpful patterns. 

Each individual's response to a distressing situation will be different. For example, some people will experience PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) after a car accident, whereas others can walk away feeling a little shaken, but ultimately grateful they walked away unscathed after the event, with no long-lasting impact. How an individual responds will depend on many things, but ultimately it's the capacity of their nervous system at the time of the event, which will have a direct impact on how much stress the person can comfortably tolerate before they experience adverse effects. 

Although talking is an incredibly important tool, it can validate a client’s experience and can be a great way to manage symptoms, but in order to achieve root cause resolution, it’s vital to take a holistic approach and process the feelings through the body. This is why working with a trauma-informed therapist or coach is so important, even if you don’t perceive your issues to be trauma responses.

So if you are experiencing a lack of change, despite working with a professional over time, then maybe it’s time to look for a trauma-informed therapist or coach who incorporates somatic work into their approach. They will be able to help you identify the root cause of the issue, guide you through reprocessing it and integration, enabling you to create the positive and long-lasting change you desire.