What your "triggers" are telling you

As a coach, I frequently use the words "triggered" or "triggering" within the context of my clients. These words are becoming a more widely used part of language - especially in conversations about mental health and emotional well-being these days. However, what I have noticed on occasion is a lack of awareness around what is really going on when someone is "triggered". 

This article seeks to explain the trigger response and why self-compassion is so important when it comes to working with our triggers. 

What is a trigger?

A trigger is any stimulus that provokes a strong emotional response within someone. The trigger could be words, sounds, an experience or images. It can move you very quickly from a happy/calm emotional state into one of overwhelm, anger, anxiety or fear (positive triggers exist as well).

All triggers are personal to the individual, as they touch upon something within that person. To quote Gabor Mate (a world leader in the field of trauma) "You are the one who holds the ammunition". So while the trigger is from an external source, it only has an impact if there is something to be triggered by it.

The trigger response

"Being triggered" refers to the emotional response prompted by the stimulus. It often feels disproportionate to the event and can leave you wondering why you reacted so strongly (which can also lead to feelings of shame or disappointment with oneself).

Ultimately, the trigger response is a re-experience of a previous event - and as far as I am concerned as a coach - it is notification from your body that there is unprocessed emotion/trauma from the past that is affecting your present-day experience. It's not your fault and there is something you can do about it!

The missing piece

In my experience, while people are able to recognise that certain experiences are the proverbial red rag to their bull, they aren't always aware that there is a link between that experience and something from the past that is still alive within them and could be healed with a little inner work. Seeing this link is the first step to being able to create some change.

Here's an example:

Trigger: You have a social engagement and your partner is not ready to leave the house at the agreed time.

Your response: Feeling stressed/impatient/disrespected/shouting at your partner.

Possible links (to name a few): You were admonished for being late as a child and believe that being late is unacceptable and makes you "not good enough". You were taught that it's really important to keep other people happy and worry that others will be unhappy with you and therefore not like you if you are late to meet them - triggering fear of abandonment. Or you believe that your partner is being intentionally disrespectful towards you and that links to past experiences of being hurt when your personal boundaries were not respected. 

What's really going on

Ultimately, your (subconscious) intention is to hurry your partner up to protect yourself from further experiences along the same lines (abandonment, feeling not good enough etc.).

Our triggers are like red flags from our body-mind system, either warning us that there is a danger and our reaction is our attempt to protect ourselves from it, or letting us know that our wound is still there and very sore - so it needs help to heal.

What you can do about it

Inner work! There are many different modalities with which you can heal your old wounds and traumas. Some involve exploring them and addressing them head-on, others are more of a physical practice, of releasing stored emotion/energy from the body. You may have heard of, or even tried, some of these:

• energy block release
• cognitive behavioural therapy
• inner child work
• parts work
• somatic release
• breathwork
• self-compassion training
• journaling
• nervous system regulation techniques
• emotional regulation techniques

Some of these techniques I can help you with, or guide you on how to help yourself with - others I can signpost you to excellent practitioners who can help you with them.

A healthy approach

Before you delve into the world of healing your wounds to reduce your sensitivity to your triggers, I want to remind you that none of your reactions are your fault. In fact, they aren't even the problem, they are your system's solution to the problem, that it learnt earlier in life. 

Any inner work that you undertake needs to be approached with respect and love for yourself. This is really important. 

Many of these reactions come from a place of fear about not being good enough. You can't hate yourself into letting go of this fear. That just isn't going to work. 

I see you. I see your innate humanness and the difficulty that comes with navigating the human experience and I know that you can expand into a freer version of yourself if you are gentle and kind as you do so (I have done it and continue to do it, and if I can, I know you can too).

If you would like my support as you do this, please reach out.