What makes me interesting?

Have you ever sat on the outskirts of a group conversation, listening but not joining in? Feeling that your opinion won’t be heard and that you are not even that interesting so why would anyone listen to you? All the voices around you feel louder than yours and more confident than you could ever be. It could be that you are comfortable in a one-to-one setting with a friend or even with a stranger, but when faced with a group, it becomes harder to join in and offer an opinion or even a comment.  

You start to believe that you do not have anything of interest or value to offer? Your self-esteem is at an all-time low, and all you want to do is hide behind your phone or make up an excuse to get yourself out of the situation.

Is this true? Could you be someone who is just not that interesting? Of course not. Different things interest different people.

What makes us interesting?

I had an insight recently as I sat on the deck of a yacht, approaching a Greek island. It was the most beautiful scenery, and yet my mind wandered somewhere else entirely. I found myself asking: What is it that makes me an interesting person—or am I even interesting at all?

What made me think about this? Earlier, a conversation had unfolded around me with great passion. Our friends were debating the current political situation in the world, exchanging facts and opinions as if the outcome of their discussion could change the course of history. I stayed pretty quiet, listening but not joining in. A question then arose in my mind: How can people get so animated about something over which they have no control? Why don’t I feel that I can, or even want to, get involved?

Confidence VS Understanding

Is it a lack of confidence, or is it not understanding the topic?

I often wonder whether it is simply a lack of confidence that makes me stay quiet when others are talking about subjects that I know little about, especially if it is a topic that society tells us we should know about. Like politics, the environment, climate change, terrorist attacks and so on.

Is it that I am not interested in the subject, so I have not made an effort to find out more about it? Or is it fear that I will be found out and be shown to not know much about what is being said? The imposter syndrome scenario? Or is it that everyone is judging me and will laugh at the words coming out of my mouth?

Are group discussions important?

My other question is whether anyone believes that debating the state of the world amongst us really changes anything? Are group discussions important?

Does it matter? Instead of worrying about what makes people discuss certain subjects, could we just look at these types of conversations as serving as a platform for argument and providing an opportunity to reinforce one’s position in connection to the topic? If it isn’t a subject that we wish to discuss (through lack of knowledge or interest), is it better to say so or to just stay quiet? Or could we just accept that group discussions are there simply to enjoy the energy of a lively exchange. And the best thing to do is to say something and get involved.

How can you get involved in a group discussion and build confidence?

1. Try not to stay quiet for the whole time. This will just make you feel worse
2. Set yourself a small goal for the conversation – you will feel good achieving it.
3. Pick up a snippet and ask a question. By asking questions, you will be interacting but not setting yourself up for failure! You will look interested, and therefore interesting.
4. Practice – each time you find yourself in a group conversation, make sure you speak. It will get easier each time.
5. Try being honest and telling the group that you don’t know much about what is being said and are enjoying listening and learning.
6. Ask the person you are sitting next to what they think. See if you can have a side conversation, which might then grow to include the rest of the group.
7. Think about what interests you? What kind of conversations light you up and motivate you to talk? What do you know a lot about and thus are willing to share?
8. Once you know what these subjects are, you can gently see if you can steer a conversation towards them. See if there are any links that you can use?
9. Try to remember that you are not being judged by everyone. You are your own harshest judge.

Get to the “why”

Another way to get involved is to ask someone how they “feel” about the subject – get away from the “what” and get to the “why”. Why are they passionate about politics? Why do they enjoy debating the issue? 

So, a lively conversation that makes you “interesting” could be one that connects you more fully with another person. Understanding why they do things or why they talk about things can be a focus for a conversation and one that can lead to a lively group discussion.

How can a Life Coach help you build confidence?

Confidence comes from understanding ourselves, knowing what interests us and knowing that we are all unique in the way we think and express ourselves.

A life coach can help you uncover what makes you “you”. By asking questions and listening to what is said, (and what is not said), a coach will help you understand yourself and your value. You will work out what you enjoy and are good at, what your key skills and attributes are. With this knowledge, you will understand how you can confidently add value in any situation.

Rethinking what makes someone interesting

Being “interesting” is not about encyclopaedic knowledge of politics or having a polished opinion on every global issue. Instead, it can be about having genuine interests. It can be about asking thoughtful questions, listening to the answers, making the person you are talking to feel important and seeing the world through their perspective.

If you can achieve this with one person in a group and have got involved in the conversation, you have been successful. This should give you confidence for the next time.

Remember, you don’t have to “try” to be interesting—you already are. Sometimes, all it takes is the right conversation to bring it to the surface.