What is confidence & how do we get it? What I've learnt coaching

Confidence is often viewed as a bit amorphous. We know when we feel it and when we don't. It can therefore feel hard to create when we don't have it and like it's effortless when we do!

The truth is, confidence isn’t something you’re born with; it’s a skill you build through practice, self-reflection, and a willingness to step into the unknown. And when that feels difficult, the guidance of a coach can make a world of difference.

Having confidence can have a huge impact on our life's trajectory. It helps us learn, grow and connect. Ultimately to gain anything we need to take risks. Confidence helps us know we'll be ok if we do. 

The funny thing is, it's not until we respond in a constructive way to uncertainty that we'll start to develop confidence. And this can feel incredibly scary to do on our own. Sometimes, having someone who believes in us is required - particularly if we haven't had people believe in us in the past.

Whether it’s starting a new project, speaking in front of a group, or making a major life decision, stepping into the unknown often triggers fear and self-doubt. As such, it can help to have a trained professional helping you along the journey.

Here, coaches help clients navigate this uncertainty by providing structure and support.

How a coach can help you build confidence

Here are 10 ways that coaches like me help clients: 

1. A coach can help you break down overwhelming challenges into smaller, actionable steps, so the uncertainty feels less intimidating.

2. A coach will encourage you to reflect on past experiences where you successfully navigated uncertainty, reminding you of your resilience, skills and resources you already have.

3. A coach will believe in you when you don't believe in yourself and help you keep going.

4. They will help you remember that confidence is a skill that you're learning and not a destination. It's not a fixed trait.

5. They can model and help you gain a beginners mindset. Mistakes lead to growth and offer an opportunity to learn. 

6. Skilled coaches may also help you work through the shame that is linked to failure and uncertainty which can often hold people back. 

7. A good coach will also help you feel seen, supported, and empowered. They'll provide a safe space where you can explore doubts without judgment.

8. A coach might guide you in exploring the difference between “I need to succeed to feel good about myself” and “I am enough, no matter the outcome.”

9. Coaches will also work to identify your strengths or gently challenge the narratives that hold you back. Over time, your belief in your abilities helps you to internalise a more empowering view of yourself.

10. A coach ultimately should help you shift from taking action and seeing the world as something to protect yourself against. Rather, they should help you stay open and curious about yourself, others and the world around you. 

Confidence isn’t about eliminating fear or uncertainty — it’s about learning to move forward despite them. A coach creates a nonjudgmental space where you can voice doubts and fears. Their belief in your potential offers reassurance when your own self-belief wavers. With a coach's support, you learn to take small, calculated risks — building confidence incrementally, one step at a time.

Ultimately we don't hand you confidence on a silver platter; we walk alongside you, helping you uncover it. When you start to do this too, you begin to see yourself clearly and embrace your potential, the possibilities are endless.