Understanding your values can be a catalyst for positive change

A question I always come back to, both in a personal and professional context, is what is truly important here, in how I’m thinking and behaving, in the choice I’m about to make, what really matters to me in this moment, what values can I draw on to move forward with integrity. 

Here are some questions so that you can begin to reflect on your own values in life… 

• What’s important to you in life?
• What’s a priority for you in your life and at work?
• What do you notice when you make a choice or take action?  
• Do you feel comfortable or could it somehow be conflicted with what you truly value?
• What’s important to you in relationships, in how you interact in this world, in how you expect to be treated?  
• Is there a disparity between your expectations of others and how you behave yourself?  
• Do you treat yourself in the same way you expect others to treat you? 

Values are integral to who we truly are and yet the values we hold may have been influenced by our environment and the experiences we’ve had. By exploring our values and understanding them in more depth we can begin to build awareness around how they align to our true selves and how authentically we are living our lives.  

Societal and cultural influences and the people we surround ourselves with have an inevitable impact on what we value in life, specific life events can also influence what’s important to us in this world. However, are these values your truth or are they values that you hold but aren’t truly yours for fear of being ostracised or perhaps you’re attempting to compensate for anxiety or uncomfortable feelings that may be linked to your past? 

For example, you may have a core belief that the world is an unsafe place and therefore hold safety and security as a core value, compensating for a fear that something bad might happen, which may be inhibiting you from living your true life or purpose.  

Or you might believe that your worth is conditional upon success and therefore hold this as one of your top values; if you work harder, earn more, land that next promotion, then you will feel more worthy and earn the acceptance and love that you yearn for, perhaps unaware of the fact that you may be compromising other true values you hold. 

Or you might be driven in life to please others, maybe your childhood script is centred around a belief that love has to be earned; being loved is conditional upon pleasing others. This may lead to developing a strong value of service, the needs of others might be your priority but at what cost? What might you be compromising? How is prioritising ‘serving others’ balanced with compassion and kindness towards yourself? 

The values we live by might be unconsciously keeping us safe, they may be serving a purpose that’s linked to the narratives we tell ourselves and the beliefs we hold but simultaneously impeding our well-being and growth.

You might want to reflect on some recent choices you’ve made, how did you feel when you made these decisions? What did you notice in your body? What emotions surfaced? Did you feel energised or overwhelmed and fatigued? 

If you write down what you think your top three values are, what comes up for you? Do you feel a sense of peace or does it feel uneasy or perhaps confused in some way? 

The other thing to note is the hierarchy of your values. For example, you may have honesty and success as your top values and honesty may not be sacrificed for success but what might be the point where success might be viewed as more important than honesty?

By reflecting on our values and understanding their deeper meaning we can either fully accept them as our truth or we can re-appraise and re-calibrate them so that they are more aligned with who we truly are, leading us to live a more purposeful and peaceful life and set goals and make choices that instinctively feel more suited to us.