Having the confidence to feel beautiful

The other week, a very strange thing happened. I was in London when a stranger approached me, looked at me, and announced, “You look nice for a mature woman- very nice!”

A compliment? Well, I’ll take anything I can. But just to clarify, I’m only in my 40s, though I guess that’s mature by some standards.

That got me thinking about beauty. This stranger didn’t know me. We hadn’t exchanged any words until that moment. So what did he see?

What we see as beautiful

Most often, we equate beauty with what a person looks like on the outside: the freshness of youth, the dewy glow of young skin, the person who is considered conventionally beautiful because of their looks, and perhaps what they are wearing.

But is beauty really about how someone looks? If so, I’m doomed, because, believe me, I’ve had my fair share of days when I’ve felt far from beautiful.

There’s that spot between my eyebrows that doesn’t seem to go away, the rosacea that I’ve been experiencing since I hit 40, and the inevitable bad hair days, especially before my period, when my hair just falls flat.

How ageing can affect your confidence

I’ve bought expensive cosmetics to try to stop the clock of ageing, and bought way-too-tight white skinny jeans because the 20-year-old girls in the shop convinced me that you really did need to lie on the floor and wriggle into the tightest pair you could, as they would mould to your body.

Moulding to my body is not a look that I wanted to go for, when I was conscious of the new cellulite on my thighs.

With bits getting a little softer, I decided to join a personal fitness programme. So far, I’ve not lost any weight. I still enjoy coffee and cake and seem to be consuming more because my mind tells me, “I’m burning it off.”

But, three months in, I do feel more toned, more energised and stronger. My legs don’t wobble quite as much as they used to; I can literally feel the muscles in my back; my arms are stronger, and I think I’ve got a two-pack starting to appear.

How new habits have changed my confidence

While I may never be able to hold a plank for longer than about 30 seconds, and I still pant when I climb too many stairs, the transformation that has taken place is about more than purely physical changes.

In the process of learning to accept and love my body, I’ve learnt to accept and love myself just a little bit more - moving toward true confidence in mid-life.

To me, that’s real beauty: the inner glow that comes from knowing and accepting who you are. It’s the kind of beauty that defies looks and age.

So stand tall today, shine and be your own kind of beautiful. Make positive steps, that genuinely make you feel good - and the confidence may follow. It's not always easy for this to come naturally, and that's where coaching can be helpful. Myself, and many other coaches on here, work to teach you specific activities, tools and habits that nurture your internal voice and how you see yourself, working toward a newfound confidence just like my own.