Thriving in your empty nest

The early days of becoming an empty-nester can feel unsettling. It wasn’t so long ago that the house was filled with the energy of your young adult kids coming and going, and now, the silence of their absence feels unbearable.

I know how that feels, getting up in the morning and wondering “What now?”, or coming home at the end of the day and there is no one there expecting dinner or needing you. If you've become an empty nester and feel overwhelmed by your emotions, here are some tips to help you move through the early days with self-compassion.

Understanding your emotions 

Accept your emotions, whatever they are. Naming the emotion that you feel helps you to see it for what it is: a feeling that can’t harm you and will pass if you allow it just to be and get on with your day. This might be “Oh, I never expected to feel this lonely” or “ I’m feeling excited and proud for my child, but also worried."

Validate your emotions by speaking kindly to yourself instead of telling yourself to get over it, for example: “It’s perfectly OK to feel this way considering what is happening right now.” Remind yourself how you have coped with all the changes you have come through so far in your life, and remind yourself that you will adjust to this change too. 

The next step is to take action by doing something that is meaningful for you. Rather than filling up your free time with things that drain you, spend your time on things that make you feel better. This activates your nervous system to release feel-good neurotransmitters, helping you to feel motivated, energised, and relaxed.

Practical steps to caring for yourself

Build a supportive routine

Create a routine in your day to prioritise nourishing food, exercise and your sleep. This is vital for building resilience, sustaining your energy and boosting your mood. This could be a morning walk, a yoga class or a workout at the local gym.

Nourish your body

Try not to snack on sugary things and coffee. Instead, give your body and mind what it needs by preparing a meal from scratch to include fresh fruit and veg, protein and healthy carbohydrates. 

Create calming rituals

Now that you have more time on your hands, maybe create a nighttime ritual by having a hot bath or reading a new book to help you wind down to bedtime. You might choose to process your thoughts and feelings by journaling or talking them through with a friend over lunch or walking together.

Stay connected with your children

Stay connected with your kids in whatever way seems right for your own family. Let them know that you are still there for them while reassuring them that you are OK. This will give them comfort and allow them to focus on this exciting time in their own lives.

Strengthen your social connections

Reach out to friends and family and arrange to meet up. Being connected to others has a positive impact on our well-being and can help us feel supported.

Adjust at your own pace

Give yourself time to adjust to your new way of being before making any big changes or decisions. However, it is important to give yourself some short-term goals and things to look forward to. How about that new restaurant you want to try or a spa day with your friends? You might want to take up a new hobby, or maybe think about developing something you are already doing.

When to seek support

You will know when or if you need some support. Perhaps you aren’t managing your emotions, or you feel ready to make a bigger change in your life, such as downsizing, changing your job, or re-training to do something new. Or maybe you want to reconnect and improve your social life.

This might feel a bit scary or overwhelming, and you might find yourself procrastinating. Maybe you just don’t know where to start? This is where the support of a life coach can help you. A life coach can help you gain clarity, increase your self-confidence, and believe in yourself. Together, you can work towards what you truly want in your life now. 

This is not the time to shrink yourself and stand still. On the contrary, this new stage of your life can be exciting and fulfilling. You just have to take the first step.