Think before you speak. Our words carry weight.

Our words have an impact. Each word carries weight. I’ve been happily married now for 15 years. The reason I mention this is because our marriage and all relationships take a lot of work and the use of communication tools that we have available to us.

One of the most valuable relationship tools my husband and I have is the five-second pause before speaking. It means literally - think before you speak. Every one of us loses “it” at times. We are angry, tired, stressed, anxious- whatever what we are dealing with in our everyday lives. So yes, we are all going to lose it every now and again.

My husband and I have this put in to place that when we can see the other one is feeling any of the above we gently remind each other to really think about what we are going to say next. Again, and it’s always gently because at this point if you don’t go gently things could really spark off - take a big breath and allow a few seconds before you speak and then say what you want to say.

Something interesting happens when you think before you speak - in the time that you take you often realise that you don’t want to strike out at the person next to you and you will and can actually do a re-write in your head before you speak and that is a very healthy tool to have in any and all relationships.

This works! Instead of reacting instantly and saying whatever comes out of your mouth - really pause and think about it. This way, you can own each one of those words. And there is less apologising needed afterwards because you took responsibility there and then. And how many of us really enjoy apologising anyway?

I try to do this in every area of my life and it brings a real sense of peace. Give it a try and see what you think and see how well it works.