The serious reason why talking matters for men

The serious reason why talking matters for men to avoid spiralling mental health issues. Essential or a luxury?

Men's mental health statistics

On average 12 men in 100,000* die by suicide. The highest rate is men aged 40-54 according to statista.com.

In England and Wales, 5,656 suicides were registered in 2023, marking an increase from the previous year. Notably, the male suicide rate was 17.1 per 100,000, compared to 5.6 per 100,000 for females, indicating that men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women, according to Samaritans. Men aged 45 to 49 are particularly vulnerable, with the highest suicide rate among males at 25.3 per 100,000. 

This trend is not isolated to the UK; in the United States, over 49,000 people died by suicide in 2022, averaging one death every 11 minutes according to the CDC.

That’s some scary statistics. Another scary statistic would be the percentage of men who have thought about it. Trust me it would be much, much higher. Of course, thinking about it and doing it are two very different things but that doesn’t mean that the thinking about it doesn’t need addressing and nipping in the bud. It is the elephant in the room that no one talks about.

In my view, there seems to be a gap between passing infrequent suicidal thoughts (often the person may dismiss these as inconsequential and will bury them in their mind without telling anyone often through shame) to more regular serious ones that require expert counselling advice. And let’s be clear, counselling is the option here for both. I am no expert but I don’t need to be to be able to see that elephant.

Breaking the silence

Suicidal thoughts among men are a critical yet often overlooked issue, with alarming statistics underscoring the severity of the problem. I’m writing this article because I know that historically it is proven that this ‘end of year’ time approaching January can be the worst for suicides.

Right now, there will be men drowning in negative talk, feeding the self-doubt, illogically justifying and maybe questioning their existence, their very being, and wondering if the world is better off without them. But they will do this under the weight of silence. Men bury those thoughts out of shame and fear of judgment. Society has conditioned men to "move on," to suppress vulnerability, and to wear a mask of strength. But I believe true strength lies in confronting these thoughts and breaking the silence. Not easy, but essential.

It could be someone you know, a friend, a brother, a colleague…

What if you could speak to that person who was having those initial fleeting thoughts? What if that person could speak to you? What if you, in turn, had the courage and space to listen? 

What if by speaking to someone regularly they could understand that these thoughts can be better understood and aren’t shaming? What if these thoughts could be changed? Isn’t that important? 

To me it is. I speak from personal experience. I’ve been in that place in the past — often without a justifiable reason — trapped in a low mood, with an inner critic that spirals into destructive self-talk. Those illogical moments of doubt and despair have taught me that I am not alone. I’ve never done anything about it but I know how powerful that voice can be. It can rear up out of nowhere. It may or may not be fleeting, but it happens. I know I’m not alone. 

The reasons can vary for men and I won’t go into them now but my point is that burying these thoughts and ‘moving on’ is commonplace. Feeling this way is a taboo subject but it mustn’t be. It is not alright. That’s not dealing with it. That’s burying it for fear of judgement.

I’ve never spoken about this before - to anyone. I was always too ashamed. But I know now that talking is exactly what men should be doing. Don’t assume that when you ask your mate ‘How’s it going fella?’, and they say ‘Yeah good’, that it’s the truth. For a lot of men, the answer is it is not. Digging deeper into these conversations and creating spaces where men feel safe to open up is essential. Talking doesn’t just help — it can be lifesaving.

And while conversations with friends or loved ones are a start, professional help shouldn’t be shunned. I never sought counselling when I was younger but I should have done. I had plenty of reasons to. My estranged father took his own life, and the weight of that loss shaped me undeniably. I was focused on being ‘strong’, dealing with it myself and not feeling like a victim. I did what I had to do. The truth is I didn’t want to focus on my past. I’ve since done so (counselling) and it ultimately led me to coaching! I realise how much I would have benefited from counselling to process my emotions and gain clarity.

Coaching as prevention

I could have also done with a forward-thinking option like the coaching I provide now. Where you recognise what feelings/thoughts/limiting beliefs you might be having but consider and plan what action you will take to address them and not focus on the past (that’s a different therapy).

Counselling is the first place to go if you are having these unwarranted thoughts - coaching is not!However, for me, coaching is an important preventative option before these thoughts. It’s a safe space where men are allowed to talk and focus on themselves. Coaching focuses on the future, helping men build resilience and clarity before these thoughts escalate. It’s not about revisiting the past — it’s about designing a better path forward.

How coaching can help

Coaching isn’t a luxury; for me, it’s a necessity for men to:

• Work on their minds as much as their bodies or careers. You and your family or loved ones benefit from this, but it is often seen as a selfish act. Be selfish! 
• Stay balanced and present in daily life.
• Talk to themselves the right way and practice self-compassion.
• Nurture their mind health unapologetically not punish themselves - yes this is allowed! Invest as much in (if not more) their mindset and personal growth than their physiques or material things.
• Find clarity of thought and purpose to guide their actions.
• Explore their desires and embrace happiness, whatever that looks like by exploring hidden ideas - you deserve that!
• Take responsibility for their personal growth and direction, knowing you can design your best life.
• Communicate openly with themselves and others. Understand their thoughts and feelings and be prepared to be upfront and honest.
• Redefine strength/courage as it comes in many forms including vulnerability, courage, and honesty.

It’s OK not to be OK

If there’s one message I want to leave, it’s this: it’s ok not to be ok. It’s ok to seek perspective and support. 

For far too long, society has stigmatised men’s mental health, but every conversation and every step toward addressing these thoughts is a victory. I honestly believe times are changing and I sincerely hope future statistics back me up on this. If this article can help even one man find balance, purpose, or happiness — which could ultimately work to prevent one suicide — then it has done its job.

Men, take action today. Whether it’s reaching out for counselling, exploring coaching, or simply starting a heartfelt conversation, know that you deserve the chance to thrive. Your thoughts don’t define you, and help is always within reach. Rewrite the narrative.

UK organisations that can help

If you’re feeling suicidal or in crisis, it’s important to know that help is available. Here are some trusted UK organisations that offer support:

Samaritans

What they do: Offer confidential support for anyone in distress or experiencing suicidal thoughts.
Contact: Call 116 123 (24/7) or email jo@samaritans.org.
Website: samaritans.org

CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably)

What they do: Provide support specifically for men struggling with mental health issues and suicidal thoughts.
Contact: Call 0800 58 58 58 (5 PM – midnight daily) or chat online.
Website: thecalmzone.net

Mind

What they do: Offer mental health advice, support, and resources.
Contact: Call 0300 123 3393 or text 86463.
Website: mind.org.uk

Shout

What they do: Provide 24/7 text-based support for anyone in distress.
Contact: Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation.
Website: giveusashout.org

Papyrus (for young people)

What they do: Focus on preventing suicide in young people under 35.
Contact: Call 0800 068 4141, text 07860 039967, or email pat@papyrus-uk.org.
Website: papyrus-uk.org

NHS 111

What they do: Offer immediate assistance for urgent mental health needs.
Contact: Dial 111 and choose the mental health option.
Website: nhs.uk

Remember: It’s OK to seek help

Taking action when you’re feeling low isn’t a sign of weakness — it’s an act of courage and self-preservation. Whether it’s talking to a friend, journaling, or reaching out to one of the organisations listed above, each step brings you closer to healing. You are not alone. Help is always available.