The how and why of career coaching series: Networking nerves gone

There is an incredible shift occurring in the world, with more and more people keen to grow personally and professionally in ways that are meaningful to them. If you are seeking to develop your career, you'll need to be comfortable with networking. The thing is, I rarely meet anyone who says they enjoy networking.

Years ago, when I worked for a recruitment company, part of the role was to attend events and network with strangers. I felt very strange in this type of environment in those early years and felt I was not my authentic self; I felt I had to act as if I was a certain personality to "fit in" and have the "right type of conversation", whatever that was!

I felt very uncomfortable. I had never been shown how networking works best nor what it really was about. Standing there in a room full of strangers who I would not normally choose to be with, I had to somehow find the courage to talk to them. I also assumed that everyone else was a natural at networking.

A decade or so of networking experience behind me, I am totally at ease with it. And I want you to be too.

Networking is an activity you may have to engage in either internally in your organisation or externally with individuals or clients. It is often about meeting people for the first time. It may mean you have to talk about yourself – the fear of the well-honed "elevator pitch" often keeps people from making the most of a networking session.

Networking has a bad name. People have an automatic reaction to it, but not a good one. Yet successful business people and those who build strong client relationships welcome the opportunities that networking enables. You have to stop overthinking it. Rather than being afraid, nervous or feeling you may be judged, you will thrive if you think of networking simply as having conversations.

Networking, as I have experienced, does not have to be a painful or difficult activity. Networking is simply "the action or process of interacting with others to exchange information and develop professional or social contacts".

A different way of thinking about networking

For me, I changed my attitude towards networking to make it work. So much so, I established my own networking group, something I never imagined was within my capacity (growth mindsets really work).

Instead of assuming that I had nothing relevant to say to the other important people in the room, I started to see them as potential friends. I became grateful for the opportunity to be with different people from whom I could potentially learn, or who I could support through my work.

The shift was in my thinking. I started to see our conversations as an exchange of information from which we could become friends or business collaborators. Instead of assuming I may be judged negatively, I imagined I could share information or guidance that would provide support or help someone take a step forward.

By altering your mindset around networking, doors can open. I recommend attending networking events with an objective, but one that includes your own desire to be friendly and to share information. Give rather than take. Offer value in your conversations and – be yourself.

Being yourself, being human, actually attracts like-minded individuals. It's certainly what I found.

How networking can support your career

As you progress in your career, and especially at senior levels, networking may become a very real part of your career strategy. Making connections provides you with insights and information not found elsewhere. This gives you access to ideas and opportunities that may well support your career goals.

Tips for more confident networking

• Challenge any beliefs or assumptions you have about networking.
• Reframe your thoughts about networking to something more motivating for you.
• Notice how an existing belief about networking has been useful – or not.
• Reflect on meeting someone new that you liked in the past – how did that go?
• Understand that it is OK to be nervous going into a networking session – everyone there has felt the same before.
• Think in advance about what conversations you would like to have at your next networking session – be prepared so you have a few topics to talk about.

Good luck!

Networking becomes much easier when you stop trying to impress people and start focusing on building genuine connections. The more you practise, the more natural and rewarding those conversations will become.