What should you consider when moving in together?

Finding someone you really connect with can feel incredibly special. As your relationship develops, there may come a point when you start thinking about taking the next step and setting up home together.

Perhaps you've reached that exciting stage and are considering moving things on to a live-in commitment.

Here are some dynamics worth considering first before you start sharing the utility bills!

Values

Our values are a hugely important part of who we are and what matters to us. Relationships are far more likely to work between two people if they share values and feel similarly about things most especially if they want to consider starting a family or each have children from a previous relationship. It's important that you've considered and communicated your attitudes towards money, children, lifestyle, work, socialising and future plans. 

Shared interests

If you are someone who loves museums, and art and culture and your other half is far more interested in sport and physical activities, you are going to be more likely to enjoy those things separately. And, although individuality, space, and continued autonomy are healthy, it's the way couple balances shared time with individual interests that will decide if this 'separateness' works for the relationship.

Can you communicate openly about living together?

Opening up about your real feelings no matter what. These are needs to feel safe and always possible, being your authentic self. Resentments do not evaporate if we suppress them, in fact, quite the opposite; they grow and become things that are expressed passive-aggressively.

Before moving in, you might need to discuss expectations around finances, housework, personal space, routines, guests, intimacy and time together.

Feeling comfortable with each other’s family

If all is good here and you are made to feel welcome by each other’s families, then fantastic - you don't necessarily need this step.

However, if that is not the case (for whatever reason), that dynamic can bring down a relationship, as a loyalty by your partner although understandable, to a person who clearly has a problem with you can become a big issue. If not dealt with from the beginning, alienation isn’t relationship friendly either. Discussing family relationships and boundaries early-on can save awkward encounters, hurt feelings and disconnect later on. 

These are but a few highlighted dynamics that need our consideration, of course, there are many more.

I specialise in inter-relational dynamics and I have found also from personal experience that a little time being aware without allowing our awareness to corrupt our joy and hope that all will be wonderful can create a strong foundation to a relationship that lasts the distance and becomes our life’s great treasure. 

Couples coaching can help partners explore expectations, values, boundaries and communication before making a significant change such as moving in together.