Quiet confidence

In this article I’m going to explore the concept of quiet confidence, looking at what it is and how we can develop it. Lastly, why cultivating quiet confidence is beneficial in all areas of life.

What is quiet confidence?

Firstly, what is quiet confidence? Upon pulling together some research for this article, several patterns emerged for quiet confidence. Commonly, it’s someone who is calm, assured and believes in themself and their abilities. Another aspect of quiet confidence is that it comes from within and doesn’t need external validation. I think this is good to know as it means it’s something that we can and should develop. 

The benefits of being quietly confident

Confident and cooperative 

An individual who is quietly confident is comfortable in their skin and with who they are. They know they do a good job and don't need the spotlight to showcase this. They will often provide platforms for others to be at their best. I believe this provides a solid foundation, it’s rooted in humbleness and not ego. Skills and knowledge are developed over time through investing time and energy into yourself.

 Continuous improvement 

In my sessions, I have worked with some very talented athletes and encouraged them to have a humble confidence in themselves. This mindset allows them to reflect on progress and at the same time know that they can continuously make improvements in what they do and how they do it. This links to the Japanese term Kaizen, which has come to mean continuous improvement. I believe this attitude can benefit anyone willing to adopt it.

Quiet confidence also encourages a more balanced outlook of cooperation and not competition. It highlights the importance of working together and supporting others. Unlike the zero-sum cognitive bias, for someone to benefit, the other one must lose. 

Self-awareness 

"Know thyself," the famous philosophical maxim inscribed on the Temple of Apollo at Delphi highlights the timeless importance of self-awareness. Self-awareness encourages reflection and introspection knowing what we are good at, what we could improve and accepting our vulnerabilities. This is important in building a quiet confidence mindset as it does take work and honesty to do this.

Being more aware of what we can improve, helps to give us a clear focus so we can create steps to do this. This might include asking for help from others, which is a sign of strength, wanting to improve and not giving up. Through this process, we understand ourselves on a deeper level and we are able to trust ourselves and our decision-making. 

Emotional regulation

Being quietly confident goes hand in hand with an equanimous mindset. This is someone who does not get carried away by the highs and lows of life. They remain calm, composed and assured in all situations. Again this takes time and focus to develop but as a life skill, I believe it’s one of the most important things we can build. 

 Authenticity 

The last strength of someone who is quietly confident is that they are authentic, they show up as their true self. Many people today will act and behave a certain way depending on the situation and who is around. Being authentic means being honest with yourself and others, living in line with your values and treating others with respect. Through being authentic we can also be clear about what we say yes and what we say no to.

How to develop quiet confidence

• Invest in your skills and knowledge - Read more books and apply lessons to your life, book yourself on to a course, and watch webinars on building a confident mindset. Turn knowledge available into practical wisdom.
• Practice active listening and observation - Tune into what someone is saying when they are speaking and be in the present moment. Listen to understand not to respond.
• Speak with clarity and conviction - Be confident in what you say and how you say it. Like anything, this requires practice. The best way to start is with friends and family and then expand from there.
• Set boundaries without guilt - Say no to things which don’t serve you (where this is possible). The method of a quick no and slow yes can be helpful here. Take time before committing to something and saying yes only if it aligns with the person you want to be and the work you want to do, if it doesn’t politely decline.
• Trust yourself in the face of doubt - Once you have made an informed decision, commit to following it through. If you are able to do this consistently, with smaller decisions, this helps to develop your self-trust and intuition for the bigger decisions in life.
• Cultivate inner calm - Build an inner citadel of calm and peace, starting a meditation practice or breath work for even a few minutes a day can really help here. Journaling is another way to build a state of inner tranquillity.
• Micro acts of bravery - Look for ways in which you can push yourself just a little outside of your comfort zone on a regular basis. These should be small things which feel just a little uneasy. Doing this regularly will help you to grow in confidence.
• Protect your mind the same way you would your body - We wouldn't let someone push or pull us around physically but we give our mind up to many distractions.
• Be mindful of what you are consuming - Take note of what distracts you and put into place measures to help reduce this. This might include leaving your phone in a designated place, removing apps from your phone or not being around certain people. 

Conclusion

Someone who has quiet confidence is self-assured and self-reliant in all situations, the classroom, the office or the sports field. The process requires doing inner work and challenging ourselves and this is usually when others aren’t watching. This is where real, lasting confidence comes from - doing hard things.