Permission to be selfish

Many of us have been taught that putting other people first is a sign of kindness, generosity and good character. While caring for others is undoubtedly important, constantly neglecting your own needs can come at a high cost. Over time, always saying yes, giving your energy away and placing everyone else's well-being above your own can leave you exhausted, overwhelmed and burnt out. Looking after yourself isn't selfish; it's one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself and the people who depend on you.

Anxiety and stress sucks! It eats away at our confidence, self-esteem, and overall functionality. How much of it is caused by putting others before ourselves? Too much?

We justify it by calling it selfless, as if that’s always a positive thing, and if you trawl the internet, you will see thousands of 'inspirational quotes' telling us this is the only way to live a fulfilling and meaningful life. I am not sure that is true. No doubt, giving and caring for others make us feel good and make others feel good. So that has a positive effect on society and ourselves to a certain extent, but we only have so much energy and thinking capacity to give, so if we are giving it all away, what do we have left for ourselves? We end up running on empty, and that leads to burnout, which in turn leads to a state of mental and physical health that can be difficult to claw our way out of.

I believe life is all about balance. I believe wellness and well-being are all about balance, so being 'selfless' and 'selfish' are also all about balance. I was once told that being 'selfish' simply means giving 'less to yourself ’; therefore, 'selfish' must mean 'more to yourself', which is not always a bad thing. I don’t mean the type of selfishness that hurts others or results in negative outcomes for you, your life or the people in it. I mean the type of 'selfish' that allows you to put ‘you first’ for a short time each day, each week or even each month. The type of 'selfish' that says ‘this is my life, and I am giving myself permission to think about myself, care for myself, heal myself and empower myself for the life I want to live moving forward’. This type of selfishness allows you to grow as a person, grow in personal strength and take control of your life, as much as you ever can. 

Maybe it's time we brought a new meaning to being 'selfish'.

S - Stop and relax.
E - Energise and recharge your batteries.
L - Love and indulge in your passions.
F - Friends and family - quality time.
I - Independence - think for yourself.
S - Self-esteem - develop ‘self-worth ’.
H - Health and happiness are a priority.

Being 'selfish' is not always a bad thing; it is certainly better than 'burnout' caused by being too 'selfless'. Sometimes it might even be the answer to help you overcome personal issues that are stealing your life from you.

There is no shame in putting ‘you first’ - in fact, it is a necessity for survival.

Take control - get selfish.