It's never too late to change

People say that ‘I can’t change.’ ‘I am who I am.’ ‘Leopards can’t change their spots.’ Well, it might be true about the leopard, but is it true about you?

Are you the same person you were when you were a child, a teenager, at university or at different stages of your career? The world changes, friends change, life can be a roller coaster, a bed of roses - and we change with it.

Who you are and what you know at six is rather different from what you know at 60.

Change is sometimes small, and you hardly notice. You live with you, so it is difficult to see what changes day by day, month by month.

When I first discovered NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) and started training, I found the ideas and exercises fascinating. Over several months, I didn't realise how much I felt I had changed through the experience.

However, my partner certainly did notice. He saw that I had altered; I was more confident, open and outgoing. How could I not see that? I suppose because the changes occurred over several months, I didn't notice. And it didn’t hurt! In fact, for me the difference was amazing, along with all the realisations I encountered on the way.

The other thing I learnt was that our thoughts and perspectives aren't necessarily fixed. ‘That’s who I am’ simply doesn’t always have to be the end of the story.

You can get up in the morning, the day looks grey, things don’t bode well, and then a friend rings up: ‘How about coffee?’ Or a cheque arrives in the post, a former colleague rings offering you an amazing opportunity, your child says something that makes you laugh. And suddenly the world looks brighter, the birds are singing; your perspective on the day has changed.

It all sounds simple, but as with so many things, it is really quite complex. These are small examples, for we are complex people with different experiences, memories and families, with thoughts and fears that can run deep.

A six-year-old child’s understanding of an event can be very different to an adult’s. Sometimes the meaning we make of experiences when we're young can influence beliefs we carry into adulthood. Some of those beliefs may later influence how we approach relationships, work, opportunities or the way we see ourselves.

However, it is encouraging to know that some of these beliefs don't necessarily have to remain fixed. We can't change what happened in the past, but sometimes we can revisit the meaning we've attached to an experience and consider whether the conclusions we drew from it still fit who we are today.

Change doesn't mean becoming a completely different person. Sometimes it means recognising that a thought, belief or behaviour you've carried for years doesn't have to define what you do next.

So perhaps it is possible to change. And a leopard might even be able to change its spots.