How to respond to not feeling good enough

I am not good enough. I am not smart enough. I am not experienced enough. I am not confident enough. I am just not 'enough'. Whatever it is you tell yourself, on a regular basis, these thoughts and feelings can affect your willingness to pursue opportunities and are common themes among my coaching clients. 

This is the number one limiting belief I encounter with my coaching clients on a daily basis, and as well as some individual work that needs to be done, here are three top tips you can use immediately.

Tip 1 – How can you stop comparing yourself to others?

Now because of social media, this is becoming a big one to get a handle on. When you compare yourself with someone who you see as better than yourself (well the glossy social image that is) – you are just going to feel bad. Try to remind yourself that however much they seem to have it all handled, and have it all – they likely do not – they are just human like you.

So try dialling down the judgement and dialling up the compassion and understanding – as the people you are comparing yourself to are likely dealing with their own fears, doubts and insecurities just like you.

Tip 2 – Can focusing on progress help with perfectionism?

One of the themes I see among my coaching clients is feeling the need to do everything perfectly or 100% right. And when we fall short of this 100%, 10/10 version, we can feel pretty worthless. 

So, instead of beating yourself up for not getting to that high bar every single day, maybe dial your ideal down for something to an 8/10 and see how that is, plus give yourself a pat on the back for trying, for making progress, and coming as far as you actually have.

Tip 3 – How can you be kinder to yourself?

The simple truth is that telling yourself what a failure you are, won’t make you any more successful. Telling yourself how worthless you are, will not help you feel any more worthy.

To crack this, try to keep telling yourself “I am doing well”, “I am doing my best” and “I am good enough”. Over time, through repetition and consistency, this can be built-up as a habit. 

And as with any new habit, it might feel a little weird at first, but the more you do it the easier it becomes – and you may find that these positive affirmations translate to true feelings, and you may start to believe you really are “good enough”.

If feelings of not being good enough are repeatedly preventing you from pursuing opportunities, setting boundaries or working towards your goals, you might find it useful to explore where those beliefs come from and how they'd like to respond differently - coaching can be a great space to do this in, and I strongly encourage you to consider what coaching might be able to do for your own confidence and self-esteem.