How body language can support better communication

Body language is part of every conversation, whether we notice it or not. The way we stand, move, pause, smile or use our hands can shape how our message is received, just as much as the words we choose.

It is not about “reading minds” or making assumptions about people. It is about becoming more aware of the signals we give and receive, so we can communicate with greater clarity, confidence and respect.

In this article, we’ll look at three ways body language can support better communication: noticing non-verbal cues, speaking with more presence, and using gestures appropriately.

So let’s take them one at a time.

1. Tuning into the non-verbal signals of others

Magicians and illusionists have, for centuries, been fascinated by the tiny signals people give off, not by reading your mind, but by noticing subtle body language cues. Let’s use an easy example. If I asked you to hold both hands out and hide a coin in the clenched fist of one of them, your body might do something unconsciously that gives a clue as to which hand the coin is in.

It’s sometimes called a “tell” in gambling. The reason it can be so interesting is that we may have no idea that our body is doing anything or displaying our own unique “tell”. Everybody is different, but once you start observing people more carefully, you may begin to notice patterns in how they communicate discomfort, uncertainty, confidence or ease.

It is important, however, not to rely on one signal to reach a conclusion. Looking away, fidgeting, frowning or running hands through hair can mean many different things. Someone may be nervous, tired, concentrating, under pressure or simply thinking.

So rather than assuming you know what is going on, get curious. Trust that you have noticed something, but check it out gently. You might say, “I’m noticing a pause there; is there something we need to talk through?” or “You seem unsure; have I understood you correctly?”

What we don’t always do is listen to these small signals with care. Sometimes we dismiss what we’re noticing, and sometimes we jump too quickly to a conclusion. The skill is in staying curious, observing respectfully and giving the other person space to clarify what they mean.

2. Communicating with more presence and impact

Think of people who hold your attention easily. Often, it’s not only the words you hear that influence you, but the way they say those words and what they do with their body language.

An American professor of psychology named Albert Mehrabian studied the importance of non-verbal communication almost 50 years ago. His findings are often misquoted, but they do remind us that tone, facial expression and body language can all influence how messages about feelings and attitudes are received.

The primary thing to remember is that how you say something can matter just as much as what you say.

The second thing to remember is that the human brain can only take in so much information. This is why the power of three can be so useful. If you are trying to make an important point, keep it clear, focused and memorable.

The third and last thing is about talking with passion. When you’re talking from the heart, you often don’t need to think too hard about your body language. Your face, hands, arms and posture may naturally become more expressive.

Look in the mirror as you talk about your children, your role models or your greatest achievement. See what happens to your face, your hands, your arms and your body as a whole. There may be a big smile of pride on your face, your chest may lift, your back may straighten, and your arms may become more expressive.

Your challenge is to bring some of that same energy to topics that feel more everyday. Find something in there, or a way to relate it to something, that allows you to talk from the heart.

Remember the simple rule that people relate to people, not just to words. If they can see you are talking with genuine interest, they are more likely to listen.

3. Using body language signals appropriately

Would you believe me if I told you that one simple signal can have more than one interpretation, depending on location, culture, context, sport, religion or belief?

Familiar with the OK sign? This is when the thumb and forefinger on the same hand touch to form an “O”, with the three other fingers curled above them.

The most common interpretation is that it means OK, often used in scuba diving or when you can’t speak for whatever reason. However, in some cultures or contexts, it can mean something very different, and may even be considered rude or offensive.

And that’s just one gesture.

This is why context matters so much. Body language does not exist in isolation. A gesture, facial expression or posture can mean different things to different people. Culture, personal history, environment and relationship all play a part.

So when using body language, stay aware. Notice the other person’s response, be respectful of differences and, if in doubt, use words to clarify.

What we’ve covered

So there we have it. I said I’d tell you three things that could help you to:

• Tune into the non-verbal signals of others.
• Communicate with more presence and impact.
• Use body language signals appropriately.

Small steps and little changes lead to bigger things. Listen and talk differently from today and take control of your own ship.