How to spot fear: “I keep you safe... and stuck”

There’s a voice that shows up in nearly every big decision, whether you're thinking about changing careers, stepping into a leadership role, launching a new project, or simply doing something that feels uncomfortable. It's not dramatic. It's not loud. In fact, it's the most reasonable-sounding voice in the room.

It says things like:

• "Now isn’t the right time."
• "Let’s be realistic."
• "You should wait until you’re more confident."

At first glance, these thoughts appear sensible. Rational. Even strategic. For high achievers and logical thinkers, this voice can sound like wisdom. Underneath the surface, it’s not clarity. Instead, it’s fear and this fear is dressed up as logic. In the hundreds of people that I've worked with, it is one of the most powerful forces that keeps people stuck.

The hidden cost of “playing it safe”

The truth is, this voice doesn't always want what’s best for you. It wants what feels safe. And safety, for the brain, often means familiar. That’s why staying in a role that’s unfulfilling, or putting off a decision that would stretch you, can feel more comfortable than moving forward, even when you know deep down it’s time.

Over time, this kind of “safety” becomes a trap. You stop trusting your instincts. You rationalise your stagnation. You start making decisions from fear of loss, not alignment with what matters. You convince yourself that now just isn’t the time and then six more months pass and you're still in the same position.

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. You’re just listening to a voice that’s designed to keep you stable not necessarily fulfilled.

Meet the rationaliser

In coaching, I often help clients identify and personify this voice. One client called it the rationaliser, the inner part of them that wrapped fear in logic, disguised avoidance as strategy and could justify any delay with a smart-sounding reason.

The rationaliser is not malicious. It’s trying to help. It’s the part of you that’s learned to survive by analysing, predicting, and avoiding risk. The problem is, it’s not always aligned with your growth. It doesn’t care if you’re fulfilled. That's not its focus, rather it cares about if you’re safe.

Once you recognise the rationaliser for what it is, you can start making different choices. You don’t need to silence it completely. You just need to stop giving it the final say.

Why coaching helps

If you’re highly capable and self-aware, you’ve probably already thought your decision through, more than once. You don’t need another list of pros and cons. What you might need is a space where your deeper voice, the one that wants something more, is allowed to speak without being immediately shut down.

That’s what coaching offers. Not advice, not pressure, but clarity. It’s a space where we separate the voice of fear from the voice of truth. Where we test the logic you’ve been hiding behind, and explore what you might do if you trusted yourself more than your doubts.

This isn’t about making reckless choices. It’s about recognising when your reasoning is no longer serving you and starting to move from alignment, not avoidance.

How to tell if it’s fear keeping you stuck

So how do you know when it’s fear in disguise?

Ask yourself:

• Is this decision moving me toward something — or just keeping me where I am?
• Am I avoiding risk, or moving toward alignment?
• If I removed the fear of failure or judgment — would I still choose the same thing?

Most people don’t need more information. They need to get honest about what part of them is really driving the decision.

What next?

If you’re stuck in indecision, professionally, personally, or creatively, and you recognise the rationaliser in your own internal dialogue, it might be time for a different kind of conversation.

You can learn more by reaching out to a coach to explore whether coaching could help you get unstuck. The voice that says “I’m keeping you safe” often is, but it’s also the one that is keeping you small too.