How to set and maintain boundaries at work

Setting boundaries at work is usually found in the basket labelled "good intentions". Usually it’s found under "do 10 minutes of meditation each day", but above "set aside an hour of me time each week". I get it. Before becoming a Coach, I worked in the Human Resources sector for over 15 years, so I have watched workplaces and employees tussle over boundary lines. In this article, let's look at three common blocks to creating work boundaries and strategies to make them stick.

The 40-hour working week

When Dolly Parton sings "9 to 5", do you silently think "if only"? You're not alone. The working week has changed dramatically for many office-based jobs, and even jobs based in other environments have moved towards increased flexibility. The COVID-19 lockdowns forced both employers and employees to re-examine their working practices and very quickly find alternative ways of working.

For many of those workers, the increase in flexibility blurred the boundaries of the workday. Commuting time became available. Where previously, you may have taken a sick day with an injury, you may have found that, in a comfortable position, you could work from home that day instead.

Flexible working and working from home were revolutionary in terms of time management for many people, and this is a good place to start if looking for ways to set work hours boundaries. For example, some workplaces introduced initiatives such as "core hours" at work, where teams must be available between 10 am and 3 pm, but could flex the rest of their hours. Perhaps you work better very early in the morning or late at night?  Perhaps you have a health condition that means you can work your hours over a longer stretch, allowing much-needed rest breaks in between? Perhaps you need to take an afternoon off for caring duties, but could make up those hours by working an hour longer over the remaining weekdays?

Consider whether you and your employer are making the most of the benefits of flexible working. Keep a log of working hours for a month and see where your peaks and troughs are. Raise the issue with your line manager to gauge their thoughts, and importantly, outline the benefits to the organisation. Ask if it is possible to have a 3-month trial for more flexible working. If, after that, it is evident that it doesn't work for both parties, then you may need to put it aside until another time. But be confident that you tried your best, and keep it on the agenda in case future circumstances make it possible.

Working with other colleagues

Note that I am deliberately being careful not to label this "working with difficult colleagues" (and to qualify this further, it is really behaviour we are talking about). Be it a line manager who sets unreasonable goals, or a colleague who is gaslighting you, or even if it's just an inconsiderate colleague, working with others will inevitably bring conflict at some point. So what can you do to manage this?

Recognise and name the behaviour that is upsetting you. Using generalisations might mean you aren't actually sure what the problem is. Without knowing the problem, it's hard to know where your boundary is. Is it the tone of their voice when they speak to you? Is it that they talk over the top of you? Is it that they think an hour-long job can be done in 10 minutes?

This is where talking with a trained Coach can really help. Friends and family may be empathetic, but may also offer unhelpful suggestions about what they would do. Other colleagues may have a better understanding and be sympathetic, but inevitably try to help with this prior knowledge and their own experience colouring their thinking. However, a good Coach will remain impartial and keep prodding your thinking to funnel those generalisations into specific behaviours. You can then work on strategies to help improve your response.

Never has the saying "you can't control the behaviour of others, you can only control your own" been more important. Michelle Obama is credited as saying, "When they go low, we go high". She also says it's not easy to do this – we are only human, after all. Maybe keep focused on the idea of being an example to others of how things could be, and how conflict should be dealt with. Yes, it's tough, but others may be watching from afar, and the seeds of change could be planted. A Coach who has an interest and experience in this area will add value that you just can’t get online. An effective line manager should also be supporting you. Practice your response until you feel confident to do it in person. 

That's not in my job description

How many times have you been asked by management to do a task that isn't your job? I suspect it is very common. It's a difficult balance for both employees and employers. When job descriptions are drawn up, they are often a "wish list" at that particular point in time. Often, candidates accept a job offer knowing there are elements of the job that they will need to brush up on or learn from scratch. So from the outset, it is understood by both parties that there will need to be flexibility and the job description is not set in stone forever.

Inevitably, there are times when a colleague is off sick for a day or ducks out for a family emergency, and you are asked to cover. Some flexibility and acknowledgement might get us over those bumps, as you might need that in the future. Beyond that, you might be asked to cover a vacant role while management recruits a new person, which might take weeks or months. Or, redundancies are made, and the remaining staff are asked to permanently take on extra tasks.

There are a lot of factors involved in these issues, which we won't address here, but are important to check (e.g. employment law and company policies). Instead, let's look at this from a coaching perspective. A good Coach will not only listen while you explain the circumstances of how you got to where you are, but they will also listen to how you are feeling about the journey. What is it specifically that is really stirring these feelings? What other feelings are you experiencing? How does that show in your body, actions, emotions and words?

We might also explore what you have done so far to change this situation. What other options come to mind? What options appeal to you most, and why? What outcomes might there be, and how might you respond? Is it really "all this or all that," or are there compromises that could be made? Are there any positives that might arise from this? 

In my personal experience, I find it helpful to look at these "not my job" scenarios as a journey. Putting a time frame on the extra tasks may help make it manageable in the short-term ("OK, but can we please revisit this in 3 months to see if it is working?"). Perhaps this is an opportunity to frame this as gaining new skills, updating your job description and being remunerated accordingly, or finally showing your leadership ambitions. Continuing to communicate the journey to your line manager is important. They can’t enact changes if they don’t know the problems. If the situation does not, or cannot change, then perhaps it’s time to plot an alternative path for your career. Again, a good Coach can help with this.

When thinking about boundaries at work, a common thread is the importance of you to feel you have a level of control in your job, tasks, interactions and future. As always, there are things that are in your control, and there are things that are not in your control. Focusing on what you can do, critically examining your thought processes, listing all options and making an informed choice about your response can help with boundaries.

As always, a good Coach can give you the time, space and enough challenge to help work your way through this process. If you have the motivation to make changes, then grasp the opportunity and go for it.