How to escape the career change “what if” cycle

You know you don’t want to continue in your current career, but you feel stuck. You have ideas of what you could do, but find yourself going around in circles, only to reach the same conclusion – that for whatever reason, none of those ideas will ever work. 

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Your brain's negativity bias

So much has been written about our brain’s negativity bias that you may well already have heard of it. If you haven’t, though, it’s essentially that we’re wired to survive, and to survive, we need to be aware of threats. For the primitive part of our brain, a career change is a threat, in much the same way that the possibility of being killed by a sabre-toothed tiger was, all those millennia ago. Our primitive brains apply life-and-death thinking to our careers, which means they like the status quo, even if it makes us unhappy. 

'What if...'

So, when we think about a new career, whether it involves being part of an organisation, or it’s setting up our own business or becoming self-employed, we can go very quickly to “what if” land. Perhaps the biggest “what if” of all is “what if I fail?” It’s a big general question that all too often has the impact it’s designed to have – to keep you where you are. 

Questions can also be more specific though, e.g. if you’re thinking about starting up a business, it could be “What if the market for this collapses?” “What if I never understand how to do marketing?” “What if someone writes a really bad review about me/my product?“

The more specific questions are sensible ones that need to be considered. But typically, rather than look into them, we decide change is too risky and convince ourselves, maybe for years, (I certainly did) that our current job might somehow improve. Or we tell ourselves that there’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing, we just need to do it in another organisation. We can also be really good at consoling ourselves with that well-worn belief that work is only meant to pay our bills and not actually be something we find fulfilling. That’s particularly for you if you’re over 45 and reading this – our parents’ generation had this drilled into them from an early age and many passed it on.


Dealing with your primitive brain 

So, your primitive brain that generates the “what ifs” has to be dealt with. But how? The answer lies in using the more grounded, rational part of your brain to notice when your primitive brain is in overdrive and generating ever more problematic questions. In other words, you need to notice when you’re going down the “what if” rabbit hole. 

You can even try thanking the primitive part of your brain for its concern. If you push it away it can persist even more but if you acknowledge its questions, it’s more likely to pipe down a little. And importantly, you also need to get into action by talking to people. 

Conversations break down fear 

If you have a bunch of “what if” problematic questions about the idea of running your own business, answers, solutions and valuable insights will come from getting out there and talking to people who already do just that. Rather than allowing your primitive brain to provide fear-driven answers that are often not based in fact, tap into the knowledge and experience of others who’ve trodden the path before you. 

One of my career coaching clients never imagined she could be a self-employed social media content creator until she spoke to someone who was doing just that. They told her about an organisation that helped her to start up by giving her additional skills training and providing her with local business contacts who needed what she was offering. 

Another, who wanted to break out of the law, had many “what ifs” about the possibility of retraining as an occupational therapist (OT). It took persistence, but she eventually spoke to someone who had also become an OT as a second career. Of course, my client’s primitive brain still had concerns, but hearing from someone who had done what she was thinking of doing, gave her enough insights to answer the most fear-driven of its “what if” questions and she went ahead. 

Finding people to talk to 

And, of course, there’s another “what if” here – “what if I don’t know anyone who does what I’m interested in?” When you’re searching for contacts, don’t just limit yourself to close friends and family. Think about all of the people you’ve known, such as ex schoolfriends, flatmates or colleagues. Cast your net wide. 

Research by anthropologist Robin Dunbar found that on average we can maintain 150 meaningful connections and that rises to us having 500 acquaintances. So, if you consider that each person you know has that many connections and acquaintances to, that really increases the chances of finding people to talk to who can give you valuable insights into the possible career paths you’re interested in.

Try connecting with people on LinkedIn too. Some might not have time to respond (don’t take it personally) but some will. If all you want is 20 minutes of their time for an online chat, and they’re a helpful person, they might well find that time for you. 


Final thoughts

Even if you’ve been stuck in a cycle of asking “what if” questions and making no progress with finding a meaningful new career for years, it’s possible to break out of it. Recognising that this is your primitive brain’s negative bias and its way of making change feel too risky is the first step; noticing when you’re doing this sort of thinking is next. And taking action to speak to people and find out about the reality of your possible career paths is how you’ll be able to put your fears into perspective and finally get unstuck. 

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Life Coach Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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Twickenham, Middlesex, TW2
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Written by Michelle Bayley
Career, Life + Executive Coach, CPCC, PCC
location_on Twickenham, Middlesex, TW2
I'm a career, life & executive coach who helps people who are feeling stuck to change their work and lives for the better. I've been coaching for over 20 years and have combined coaching with leading busy communications teams, so I understand the issues...
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