How much of an overthinker are you?

We all think. And many of us take a lot of pride in the thinking we do. We solve problems, create and innovate, show care through thoughtful gifts, we inspire and are inspired, and the list goes on. 

A lot of our thinking is valuable and efficient, but sometimes we find ourselves stuck in rumination, anxiety, negativity and self-doubt. If it happens occasionally when you are particularly stressed, or have a lot on, then it probably won’t affect your overall wellbeing.

However, I have found that overthinking can sometimes become more of a habit, a way of being, and it can permeate so much of what we are doing without us even noticing. 

What are the signs of overthinking?

Many of us recognise the common signs of overthinking: 

• Dwelling on past events and not being able to move past them. 
• Second-guessing decisions even once they have been taken.
• Replaying mistakes over and over.
• Going over challenging or uncomfortable conversations again and again.
• Fixating on things you can’t change, control or fix. 
• Imagining the worst-case scenarios and preparing for them.
• Avoiding decisions or tasks but thinking a lot about them.
• Not being able to sleep as you replay scenarios in your head.

How can overthinking become a habit?

The signs of overthinking tend to be relatively easy to recognise and they don’t feel good. But I have often found with the clients I work with, that it's not always so simple to recognise how often overthinking can slip into everyday thoughts and processing. How it can become a habit. And once it's there, that’s often when overthinking turns from something you occasionally do, to something that causes you anxiety and stress on a regular basis.

Often not being able to sleep at night happens at the end of a long day of stressors. Those mistakes or conversations that you can’t let go of pop back into your head when something is troubling you. It's part of a bigger picture, and to truly understand how much overthinking affects you, you first need to recognise how often it happens. 

When does thinking become overthinking?

The trouble is overthinking can often be cleverly hidden behind the guise of ‘necessary’ thinking. 

Have a think about it. You might tell yourself that “You are just being realistic”. That’s why you always think of the possible negatives no matter how positive the situation. If you didn’t, you might end up in a land of unicorns and fairies, right? But is it more realistic to weigh everything up with a negative? 

You might tell yourself: “If I don’t go over my mistakes then I will not grow and learn”.   That’s true, healthy reflection and discernment of things that went wrong is likely a positive activity. But going over mistakes again and again whilst berating and blaming yourself is likely only going to lead to anxiety and negativity. 

You might tell yourself that “Thinking through every possible outcome of a situation is being well prepared”. Thinking through likely outcomes is most probably a wise thing to do. However, coming up with worst-case scenarios of all the ways you might fail and preparing for what you would do in that situation is just exhausting. 

Another way that overthinking can cleverly show up is through the judgement of others. You judge them for not doing a good enough job, you are irritated if someone makes a mistake or you are hurt when someone doesn’t recognise the effort you have put in. Or you might even find yourself judging strangers. It’s an odd one but I believe a lot of us do it, myself included. Ruminating about others is a great way to avoid ruminating about yourself but it has the same result: negative emotions. 

What happens when we allow this ‘necessary’ overthinking to go ahead?

It entrenches the pattern of overthinking within our lives. It wears us down so that when we get into bed and the noise from the day quietens down and we are left with our thoughts, we have run out of defences and can no longer stop the onslaught of anxious thinking.  

As an overthinker myself, it was only when I recognised how prevalent my overthinking had become in my every day, and how many excuses I made for it, that I could then start changing the pattern. So spend some time noticing when you might be hiding your overthinking. 

How can you break the cycle of overthinking?

Once you notice it, it's really hard to un-notice it, and then you have an opportunity to make a different choice: 

• Instead of being ‘realistic’ by worrying about the things that never happen, focus on the potential positives and the gifts that you can find. In terms of probability, focusing on the positives is really just as realistic, if not more!
• Create a non-judgmental and positive space for you to consider mistakes and failings, it is in a space of growth and learning that you can truly innovate new solutions.
• Instead of thinking through every possible outcome, almost all of which will never happen, prepare yourself to cope with any situation that comes your way.
• Catch yourself when judging others. Choosing to see the positives in others primes your brain to see the positives in yourself.

I know this is easier said than done. You can’t just stop thinking. And the longer your pattern of overthinking has gone on, likely the more entrenched it has become. 

The benefits of coaching

Overthinking can become a habit, and recognising these patterns is often the first step towards making positive changes. While it may not be possible to stop negative thoughts altogether, coaching can provide a supportive, non-judgemental space to explore what's behind them and how they may be affecting your confidence and well-being.

Working with a life coach can help you identify unhelpful thinking patterns, challenge limiting beliefs and develop practical strategies to manage overthinking. Through greater self-awareness and reflection, you can begin to approach situations with a more balanced mindset, make decisions with greater confidence and move towards your personal goals.

You can change overthinking and you can live with a more positive, efficient mindset that will allow you to reach your full potential.