Why your goals aren't working (and what to do instead)

We've all done it.

A new year begins, a birthday rolls around, or life throws us a wake-up call, and suddenly we're determined that this time things will be different. We promise ourselves we'll get fitter, change careers, start a business or finally write that book we've been talking about for years.

At first, motivation feels effortless. Then life gets busy. Work demands more of us, family responsibilities take over, and before long the goal quietly slips down the priority list.

If this sounds familiar, it doesn't necessarily mean you lack motivation or discipline. More often than not, the problem is the goal itself.

One of the most effective goal setting strategies isn't about working harder. It's about making sure you're working towards the right goal in the first place.

Why some goals never seem to stick

Imagine someone who decides they want to run a 10k race.

They buy new trainers, download a training plan and commit to running three times a week, which all works great for a couple of weeks. 

Then they have a late night, miss a session, skip another because of work and gradually the plan disappears into a drawer while day-to-day life and old habits take over. 

The race never happens. It's easy to think that they weren't committed enough, but that's rarely the full picture.

The more interesting question is:

Why did they choose that goal in the first place?

Often, the goal we've set is actually just one possible solution to a deeper challenge.

Goal setting strategy 1: Focus on the real outcome, not the solution

One of the biggest mistakes I see is people deciding on a solution before they've fully understood the problem they're trying to solve.

Take our aspiring runner. Perhaps they say their goal is to complete a 10k because they want to become fitter. But, if we become curious, we may discover something else entirely.

Maybe what they really want is:

• to have more energy during the day
• to feel more confident
• to improve their health
• to keep up with their children
• to reduce stress after work

And they may have heard that running might be an excellent way of achieving those things - but it isn't the only way.

By defining the outcome rather than the method, you give yourself flexibility. If one approach doesn't suit your lifestyle, you can try another without feeling like you've failed.

That's one of the most powerful goal setting strategies because it keeps your focus on what really matters.

Goal setting strategy 2: Keep asking "Why?"

Once you've identified the outcome you want, spend some time exploring why it matters.

Ask yourself:

• Why is this important to me?
• What will change if I achieve it?
• How will I feel?
• What difference will it make to the people around me?

Keep asking yourself why until you find the emotional reason underneath.

For example, maybe you don't actually want a promotion. Instead, you want greater freedom, more flexibility, or the chance to spend more time with your family.

Those deeper motivations are what sustain us long after the initial excitement has faded.

Goal setting strategy 3: Choose goals that reflect your values

Goals that come from comparison rarely last.

It's easy to absorb messages from social media, colleagues or friends about what success should look like. Before long, we find ourselves pursuing goals that look impressive but don't genuinely excite us.

When your goals reflect your own values, motivation feels very different, because it's genuinely meaningful to you. 

That doesn't mean it will all be really easy, but you'll have a stronger reason to keep going when obstacles inevitably appear.

Goal setting is about progress, not perfection

One of the biggest myths about success is that people who achieve their goals never change them. In reality, successful people review, adapt and refine their goals all the time.

They understand that goals should evolve as they learn more about themselves.

Changing your approach isn't giving up, it's creating yourself a more aligned path with where you've discovered you'd like to be. 

How can coaching for goal-setting help?

A coach won't tell you what your goals should be. But they will ask thoughtful questions that help you get to the root of what is important, challenge subconscious thoughts that might be holding you back, and walk through options you might not have considered.

The valuable breakthrough isn't discovering how to achieve your goal, it's working out the deeper result you truly want. 

But, with or without coaching, following the advice in this article can put you on the right track towards achieving goals that genuinely matter to you.