How to improve life satisfaction in midlife

Did you know that middle aged women reportedly have the lowest level of life satisfaction?  When I see clients in this group, there are many reasons for this including;

• children leaving home
• changes to work environment
• menopause
• changes in relationships
• changes in health
• feelings of invisibility

These can feel like a major change in life and, can lead to a whole range of feelings, including lack of confidence, questions about identify, feeling unattractive, confusion and lack of optimism about the future and labile emotions. 

Four ways to climb out of the midlife rut

If you’ve been caught up in what can feel like a never-ending cycle, you may be experiencing the nocebo effect, believing yourself unwell either physically or emotionally. Here are four ways that might help you get out of the midlife 'rut';

1. Get back to basics

What is it that lit you up when you were younger? What did you really enjoy doing that put you in ‘flow’, that feeling that time has stopped and you’re completely absorbed? It might be something really simple like crafting, walking or playing an instrument.  

When you’ve found your ‘thing’, really notice what it was that you enjoyed about it.  Perhaps that you felt satisfied with something you made; maybe you enjoyed seeing the countryside; maybe you enjoyed the company of being in a band.

Now, how can you build that back into your life in some way now.  It might not be in exactly the same way, but how can you rediscover an element of this pleasure?

2. Ask yourself the question, if a miracle happened, what would your life look like? How would you feel?

I appreciate that if you want millions and to live in Barbados, you might have a way to go. Try to think of something realistic and achievable here, that you can actively work towards and bring within your control. If you’re not clear on what it is you want, it’s very difficult to begin making the relevant changes. And, often, it’s not about the what you want, but how you want to feel which can be quite different.  

I’m a great fan of vision boards and have seen people have much success once they have real clarity about what they really want. It can serve as an active, visual reminder towards your goals and can be a hugely motivating activity in itself. 

3. Mind your language

Yes, really. We can all can be found muttering and grumbling about life - do you notice what you achieve when you think that way? I'd imagine, not much.

So, for now, just notice when this happens; no judgement. Then, it’s easy to wonder what else you could be saying to yourself instead, isn’t it?

Language such as ‘I wonder what I could change about that?’ or ‘what else could I say there?’.

Soon, you’ll notice that you have a more positive outlook about things and will feel more forward looking.

4. Cultivate that gratitude attitude

It’s simple, make a note each day of three things you’re grateful for. A simple piece of paper will do, or get really creative and create an online document or (if you’re like me) buy a beautiful little notebook you can carry with you.

Remember to write not just what it is you’re grateful for, but why. That’s the important bit, what is it about the thing you’re grateful for that creates those feelings? Gratitude can help people like you feel more positive emotions, appreciate good experiences; become more resilient, and build strong relationships. 

Obviously, none of these are quick fixes, more a way of ‘doing’ life really. It's a simple application of coaching techniques into your day-to-day life that you might find help you carry a little more motivation with you, and a little less negative thinking.

It’s important to say that if you really feel like you’re really struggling, your GP will be your first point of help. However, many people, like you, can easily begin to find a lightness when you practice these four activities.