Finding your way back to who you really are

I lost my way recently. Not in any dramatic sense, just a feeling and a noticing. How this shows up for me is by comparing myself with others and believing that someone else’s way is better than my own. If someone is doing x, y and z, maybe I should too?

Now, there’s nothing wrong with taking good ideas from others and applying them to our own situation. It opens us up to new ways of thinking and new perspectives. The key is to take a step back and see whether what someone else is doing fits with who you are.

You see, we’re all unique and beautiful in our own way, but sometimes we lose sight of what it means to be ourselves. So how do we find our way back to who we really are? To who we are at our core? Here are five things that might help:

1. Reconnect with your values

Values are at the heart of who we are. When we live a life in alignment with our values, we are more likely to feel fulfilled. Life feels good, and we feel on track. When we’re out of alignment with our values, life can feel sticky; something doesn’t feel right. So how do you find out what your values are?

Notice what’s important to you – honesty, fairness, integrity and so on. What triggers you? Do you get triggered when someone disrespects you or is dishonest? Who are you when you are at your best?

2. Identify your strengths

What are you particularly good at? We all have talents in certain areas. One of mine is making things look beautiful – from presents to books and more. Write down a list of your strengths and place it somewhere you can see it, to keep reminding yourself of what you are brilliant at.

3. Explore the stretch

We learn more about ourselves when we stretch ourselves outside our comfort zone. Lean into the stretch – it might be uncomfortable at first, but you’ll learn from the experience. Discover more about who you are by experiencing something new and then observing how you respond in that moment. What is something that scares you or makes you uncomfortable? What did you learn about yourself?

4. Trust yourself

Become more confident in your own decisions. In the book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Susan Jeffers introduces the “No-Lose” decision-making model.

The idea is not that decisions have no consequences, but that whichever path you take can lead to a new experience from which you can learn and grow. It may not be the experience you envisioned for yourself, but each path can offer new opportunities.

5. Take credit

What characteristics would the people close to you use to describe you? This might make you feel uncomfortable because we often don’t seek out feedback.

When I first started coaching, I asked close friends, work colleagues and previous bosses for specific feedback on the qualities they liked and admired in me. Now, I ask clients for testimonials and, when I’m having a wobble, I’ll reread them. Be brave and ask those closest to you what they like and admire about you.

There’s nothing more authentic than living a life in alignment with who we really are. I hope these suggestions help you reconnect with yourself!