Does fear rule your life?

Fear can play a powerful role in how we approach change, goals, relationships and the choices we make in life.

The human brain is wired for survival and familiarity. Sometimes, familiarity can feel safer than change, even when the familiar situation is making us unhappy. This can show up when someone stays in a difficult relationship, avoids starting a new business or keeps repeating habits they no longer want.

Fear can come in many forms, whether through a dry mouth, a pounding heart, sweating or feeling faint. These sensations can feel overwhelming, even when the situation itself is not life-threatening.

Fear is universally recognised as an emotion that helps signpost danger. It comes from a time when we needed to respond quickly to threats in our environment.

Today, we can still experience psychological and physical symptoms generated by the sympathetic nervous system, but the causes are often different.

Life today is fast-paced, with technology making it harder for some of us to relax fully. Text messages, emails, phone calls and even the dreaded voicemail can all add to a sense of pressure.

For some, these communication channels can provoke fear of some kind, whether it is fear of being judged, fear of a business deal not going through, fear of a loved one being upset with us or even fear of the phone losing charge at the wrong moment.

Failure is another word often associated with fear. Fear of failure will mean different things to different people. Conditioning from school can give us the idea from a young age that we need to be first in class, or that final exams will gauge whether we are good enough.

Goals, or goal-setting, should, in my opinion, be taught from a young age. I am amazed that, in the past, I have taught in schools and some youngsters do not understand the value or implications of having goals in their lives.

The goal-setting process takes the individual from the present to a future date, with a process in between.

Goals are different for everyone, but the outcome can be similar. Not achieving the goal can put pressure on the individual, such as not dropping a dress size, not sealing the business deal, not getting that new client or experiencing a relationship setback.

Language is very powerful. Changing the word “failure” to “feedback” can be helpful. When a goal is not reached, feedback allows us to ask what needs to change, what we have learned and what we can try next.

Goals need to be broken down into manageable chunks to allow at least a small foothold towards success. Fear can become stronger when the goal feels too large, unclear or out of reach.

Reasons are also needed to give you motivation towards a goal. If your motivation is strong enough, and your goal matters to you, you may be more willing to keep going through the difficult parts.

Ecology is a big part of your success. In coaching, this means thinking about how your goal fits into the rest of your life. Your new goal may also have an impact on your partner, loved ones, friends or colleagues.

Checking each week to see if you are on track with your goals can help. Being flexible is a great strength, and understanding that life will occasionally throw you a curveball can help you build enough support to achieve your goals and aspirations.