Do you believe life should be hard?

Nearly 10 years ago, sitting opposite my coach, I sighed, defeated, and said: "Well, because life's meant to be hard."

She paused, letting the words I'd spoken out loud for the first time settle, before asking: "Said who?"

At that moment, I didn't have an answer. That would take time to uncover.
​
But it was a powerful awakening to the fact that we all have beliefs, deep inside of us, that we don't realise are running the show. Beliefs that often go against the life that we want to create for ourselves.

You see, children are like sponges, absorbing everything from their surroundings so that they can understand the rules of life. So that they know how to show up safely in the world.
​
So,

• if your primary caregiver prioritised work and sacrificed pleasure
• if a parent always had the next chore waiting for you or didn't let you play
• if your teacher celebrated you for how hard you worked rather than the quality of your work
• if your aunt mocked you, repeatedly touting no rest for the weary

​
... you might have unconsciously internalised messages that life is supposed to be hard. Those activities offering pleasure or relaxation are a luxury you can't afford and don't deserve, because there's always something more that needs to be done.
​
​I've said it many times before, but I'll say it again: society wears busyness as a badge of honour.
​​
There is this generally accepted view that the harder you work, the more successful you are. The fuller your diary is, the more worthy you are.
​
And so we cram every moment of our day with tasks, to-do lists, projects, and chores. Because if life isn't hard, we must be doing something wrong. If we're not working as hard as we can, are we essentially sabotaging ourselves? Or worse, jeopardising our safety?
​
For me, the conditioning that life should be hard, that I needed to be working 24/7 to be successful, was deeply ingrained. If I had a spare hour, I tended to fill it with something that would ‘better’ me, be it reading, studying, listening to a podcast, or watching something that inspires me.
​
And in many ways, I love this about myself. My curiosity and desire to learn have enabled me to become the transformational coach I am today. I know that I'll continue to explore my passions, refine my skills and grow with the latest insights in the field.
​
But I'm also aware that this drive hasn't always come from a healthy place. That there were times in the past when it stemmed from feeling that I wasn't enough. I'd catch myself falling into the trap of believing that I need to always be busy, always be achieving, and always be progressing. That to be 'doing life' right, it ought to be hard.
​
Learning that it’s safe to take time for me, to walk to the sounds of nature, to paint for fun hasn’t exactly been easy because it required rewiring patterns and beliefs of a lifetime. The voices in my head that like to tell me that I need to be doing something productive are loud and can be so convincing!
​
​But the reality is that I get to choose the beliefs that serve me, and this one really doesn't! I have the power to change my beliefs to something that aligns with my values and my desires.